New Year Dawns

As the year closes out, I am reflecting on the things that happened in this year. I lost my job at Convergys, Chris returned to work with Godfathers, we got a van, I went to jail, I got back to a career that I love but can't any more due to carpal tunnel. I had my church membership restored. I wrote a letter to the 1st Presidency to have my blessings restored. I saw a couple(My Home Teacher) and his family be sealed in the temple. A missionary returned, another went out. The Prophet dies, an apostle passes too. Big deal with the financial companies, a recession, loss of jobs, laws being changed and challenged. Signs of the times.
I wonder what the next year will hold for 2009. But one thing is for sure, in fact several things will be for sure. My blessings will be restored, I will be able to take Chris and Ben to the temple to be sealed too. I will be able to GO to the temple and DO those things I have been missing for so many years. I will be able to serve fully in the church once again and develop more of my testimony. My wife's and I goal for 09 is to visit and go to every temple in Utah. That includes the new ones being built in Draper and Oquirrh Mountain. I am hoping to be able to go down and go through for the open house, then once all the blessings are restored and we are endowed, we can go through for sessions. So that's going to be neat. Also as said in previous blog, I plan to go back to school. So we are going to see what 09 will bring us. More happiness, more love, more being who we'd like to be. And we hope to move to Ogden and be closer to Weber State, so I can be closer to the campus and do what I need to there. I'll just find a job on campus or around there. I know Chris will be staying with Godfathers, so at least we'll be OK there. so we shall see.

Christmas

I would be doing this at work, but I have a few minutes this morning to sit, while Chris is sleeping and Ben is just being Ben with all his new toys he has all over the living room floor. To be honest, I think the best Christmas I ever had, was a few years ago, finishing up a divorce, just getting home from work from Dennys, and spending the entire day, enjoying the quiet of my own place. Sure I called Chris and my parents and wished them all a Merry Christmas, and such. But I didn't go out to the crazy places to spend any money. I think I sent off a few cards to family and friends that I loved, but I got to spend that time contemplating on the true meaning of Christmas. It was not going out and getting the best gift for anyone, it was not maxing out my credit card to get the one gift that will out shine them all, but it was the simple stopping to remember what this was all about. I think President Uchdorf said it best in his talk for the First Presidency Devotional, when he said, "The economic challenges of this year may cause some to scale back their gift giving, but I wonder if this may be a blessing in disguise." I believe that statement. After hearing my MIL say she spent $4000 on her Discover card for Christmas I don't have to worry about why she complains that she never has any money. She spends so much on her credit cards that she never has any money to do anything else. Its all on credit. So all her $300 a month from working goes to pay the damned credit cards. Thank the Lord we don't have to worry about that. We just have a bank card, and if there is money there, we will use it. If not, oh well. I would rather teach my son the true meaning of Christmas, away from the influence of his Grandma. That will upset a lot of people, but in this world of buying on credit, it would be better to just go find a place and hide till the Savior comes again.
On a much crazier note, we had to have the van towed into the shop on Friday. It has been over heating for a few days. We were lucky to get it home Christmas night after our family dinner. It was a mix of rain and snow that iced the entire road all the way home. Plus the wind blowing the snow/rain mix sideways it was hard to see. They were supposed to call Friday night after they took a look at it. They didn't call until Saturday. Broken hose and all the coolant is out. So I called back our car dealer and the person who deals with repairs and such is out of hte office until Monday. So no vehicle the entire weekend. Just great. So Chris called her mom to come get her and go return a gift that we hoped to get exchanged. That was a mistake. Because of the holidays and the vehicle I was not able to make it in to work on Friday. So my MIL got all butt hurt that I didn;t call her to ask for a ride in to work. Yet she spent the entire night in SL picking up her sister and family from the airport, which had their luggage in a diff terminal, until 4am. Then she and Ricky go shopping at Wal-Mart til 6am. And I go to work at 7:30am. Hmmm, am I the type of person who calls someone after they get an hour of sleep to ask to help me go to work, or am I nice guy and let them get sleep, and not worry about work, since they aren't worried about me, and just blow another day? So she yells at Chris for nearly 4 hours about it. Chris tries to get some sleep this morning, and guess what? Her mom calls just 30 mins after I leave the bedroom to let Chris gets sleep, to ask about pants. There goes my MIL again spending more on teh credit card. Then complaining that she has no money again. Its just a vicious cycle that I hope one day to get out of. Maybe if I can find a job far away, then maybe we can have the family I would love to have. Just us. An eternal family. Still no word yet from the 1st Presidency. Maybe it was not meant to be. Maybe I need to ask the Lord what the problem is. We'll see. More to come.

Christmas Family Pics

We had these photos done the week my parents were here in Utah. Hope you like them.

A new day dawns

How do I begin? Life has been life. It has its ups and downs, twist and turns, good and bad. It was nice to have my parents here for a while but sure glad they are home safe. Wasn't sure how they would get through the storm that came in Saturday. They got stopped in Snowville for about 3-4 hours while the plows were working on the Interstate cleaning it up. Then they were able to get back on the road and the fastest they went was about 35mph. So they left here around 6am and got to home around 10:30pm their time. That's a long time to drive and travel, but they are safe and sound. This week i was hoping to just get right to work and work a little extra just to make up for the days I have missed due to Thanksgiving holiday and my parents being here. Nah, life has a way of sticking the mercury filled thermometer and breaking it off in my backside.(Yes I am very graphic) Tuesday morn I get to work and my ankle hurts some but not that bad. So i come home and we do normal stuff, but that night I iced it and then could not find a comfortable position to sleep in. Then the throbbing began. At 5am, i had Chris take me to the ER. I was their last and the first for the day. So they took X-rays and touched it. And determined I had not broken it, just sprained it, but if it gets worse, call this orthopedic surgeon. I said OK. They fitted me with a boot and crutches and away we went. I called in from work and took care of stuff at home, yet loaded up on Lortab and IBU 800's.
I have also decided to get my butt in gear and decide what degree I want to get. I have made the choice to go back and get my Music Degree. It may take me 6-7 years to complete, I am planning on taking a few classes at a time, so I can work and keep money coming in. And pay for school myself instead of taking out more loans and going deeper in debt. I plan on getting my B Music Ed in Instrumental education. With a possible minor in vocal ed too. I will be taking the elementary, secondary and high school classes to be able to work in any place. The reason I am getting back to this, was due to our wards Christmas party. They had a choir from the new HS come in and perform for us. Here it was, a new HS with students with this much talent. They were amazing. It just got me thinking, that music was all I wanted to do growing up, I disappointed myself by not going forward with my dream. Always taking the easy road and not finishing what I had planned to do. So now, I am going forward and getting it done. So with that going on, I am also going to get my playing back up to where it needs to be. So I am going to go back to the community band and see what musicals I can get into for playing. So it'll be fun for 09.
While my parents were hear, we had a holiday dinner that Chris put together, pretty much by herself. She did a great job and it tasted wonderful. When we cut the turkey we saved the wish bone and let it sit on the stove for about a week to dry out. Last night we went with tradition and broke it. I got the wish. Chris has been hounding me all night and morning about it. When she reads this I hope she understands why I wanted to wait to tell her. My wish is to have another child. Whether it be a boy or girl. I was an only child growing up and i want Ben to know he has a full brother or sister instead of having 2 half brothers and 2 half sisters. It may not happen any time soon, I may not always be in the ready mode to work on it. Sitting on my duff all day is a pain, and I do get tired of sitting here and yes doing nothing but answer phones and tell people what to do. It gets stressful, it has it's ups and downs, and then I go home and feel I am expected to perform, I wonder how much I can keep up. When I worked for a physical job, I was able to keep up. So we will work on it and see what happens. I am going to try and live up to my part of the deal. I did hear one bit of good news, and i hope she doesn't get angry with me for sharing. My friend Sarah is expecting again. She is about 5 weeks along and she has 3 girls at home. She is hoping for a boy. She first had a boy many years ago and put him up for adoption. So we both feel that we made the right choice in the beginning, but we also know that we are missing out on everything they get to go through, as our first born. Who knows, what the future may hold for them or us? So we will see what happens. Anyway, that's all for today. The IBU is working on me and I feel a little woozy. Good stuff.

What a week

I see it has been some time since I last posted. Life has been busy, work has been steady, and home life is what it is. My parents were able to make it here just fine with the help of a sister in their ward whow as also heading to SL this week. So she offered them a ride. After a long 11 1/2 drive, they got here safely and we went out to dinner at Dennys. That was fun, then we dropped the kids off at my Brother in laws house and then we came home and went to bed. Sunday was great to have my parents there at church and meet our ward members. Afterward we went out to eat at Cracker Barrel, since dad loves that place. Then we went to Walmart and got our family photo done. we got some very cute pics and they will be posted later on here when we get them.
12/11
Today i was hoping to get VTO this morning due to the fact I got barley any sleep last night. For some reason Ben just isn't sleeping at night and I have no idea what to do for him. Plus last night I didn't get off work until after 5pm. I was on a call that lasted forever. I am not sure how much longer I can handle this job. On my way home last night I got called on the cell to go pick the kids up and bring them home. I asked Chris to get the dinner started for me so that I could finish it when I got home. Got there, and nothing had been done. I sent her the recipe to print out and work on it, but nothing got done. I pretty much flipped a lid and just started to dump stuff off my desk, to get to the printer to print the damned thing. Then I got to work. I realised that after I got the stuff in the pan that there wasn't going to be enough for everyone. So I get out the other pan and make tacos. Shred cheese, chop lettace and tomatoes, all while Chris is working with the kids to get their homework done. Got that done and everyone fed, then got to cleaning and the gifts my parents brought everyone. then went back to the kitchen, cleaned it and went to work on the fudge and peanut brittle for work today. Got that done and went a laid down to rest for a few. You know it was so much easier when my parents and the kids are away to come home and get dinner done. But to have them all there, the noise and whatnot and the fact I had a crappy day at work, all just made last night the worst night ever. I know I am going to be bitched out for not spending time with Ben, but when i am the only one who has to cook and clean, after working all day. "Oh yeah work is so hard for you cause you sit on your ass all day and answer calls. Oh yeah hard work." Thats Chris' bitch out on me. I never spend anytime with Ben and I am always on teh computer, blah blah this and blah blah that. I never get a few minutes to rest when I get home. I have to make dinner, I have to spend time with Ben, I have to go here, I have to go there. Chris says she wants to be a house wife and do all those things, one of those responsibilities is to make or at least start dinner. Its always saved for me to do, after I have had a stressful day at work, i don't want to do anything when I get home. Yet I am made to do so. One day i just may not come home.

Memories

I'll begin to write this, though i can't think of a good enough title to name it. I am so grateful for my work that I am able to see my home town newspaper on the web while I am at work. Today I just looked over the Obits and found a name I hadn't forgotten, but I knew them well. There was an older couple in my home ward of California, their names are the Melgers. They are German immigrants that came here to get a life for themselves. They are also converts to the church. I can't fully remember the situation, but Brother Melger was in the hospital one time, and i was there visiting someone else or something, I don't remember, but i happened to their room and visited with them for a while. I remember Sister Melger told me of their conversion story, how the missionaries knocked on their door and they joined right there. They knew it was true. She had also told me the first time they went to the temple, and that for the next several months, they had to keep getting new garments, due to the fact that all the Irish coffee they drank, that the alcohol in their system was coming out in their pores, so that the garments stunk like coffee and alcohol. This happened for a month or so after they went to the temple, after they had given it up. Their bodies were purifying themselves again, from the normality they were accustomed too. After their bodies were purified, they no longer had the smell or their garments were no longer stained by their old habits. That has always stuck with me. To let you know, it is Sister Melger who has passed away. She used to make German potato salad for all the church functions. Man they were good. She used to bake with her grand kids whenever they came over. She always had something they were doing when I would go to their house to visit. I wonder if Arnold is going to be like President Hinckley, when his beloved Sister Hinckley passed away. The Melgers were the sweetest couple I have ever seen, next to President Hinckley. I pray that she is at rest now, with family before her, prophets and apostles. I pray Arnold will be at peace too, and the family and know that the Lord has called her home.

Happy things in life

Sometime ago, I was told that I was weird. Now i don't think that was an accurate saying about me, I would say that I was more unique then anything. I have my own taste in music, books, friends, way i have desktop icons on my computer. I like when I am doing intricate work, to stick out my tongue and grit my teeth. I have to have parts to fix things in certain spots so that I don't lose them. With kids that come in and out of the house, I bitch a little due to having to pay higher bills for their arrogance. When i watch a movie I like, and it has sequel's, I have to watch them all. When i am at work, I have to have my desk just the way i want it, or I can't work. Some may call this OCD, others call it weird. I call it me. On my server for WOW, there has been some really neat topics that they have made and commented on. Such as the topic for writing a 4 word story, then it gets passed on. Lets just say that some people have imaginations, and others have sick minds. Nuff said about that. I know for the last month or so, I have been wanting to go down to SL and just go have some fun. It has not happened. I have just let it go and I can wait now until my parents are here and we can go together. One thing i was not pleased about or happy was the fact i did not get tickets for the MoTab Choir Christmas Concert, for my moms birthday. But oh well stuff happens.
(I may go off on many tangents in this blog)
Last night I got my wife's new video card for her computer. It only took me 1 1/2 hours to get it the way I needed it to be. First the drivers I got from the web site were not the right ones. So i went to Microsoft update site and downloaded the correct driver and then restarted it. I went to the settings and played around a bit and finally got it to work. Now when Chris plays Toontown, she can see what she needs to see. Now we are waiting on the memory sticks to give it a boost. i am hoping to be able to get memory for my computer too soon. I need at least another gig just to have it running faster. I do want to during 09 is to get Chris a new computer. Or at least a faster and updated one. So we will see.
Last Saturday, was our Stake Conference. I was able to go to the Saturday night session and what a night it was. the speakers were are S Presidency and wow. The spirit was there. There was only one other time that I was that filled with the spirit. That was in Idaho when Elder Newinschander(spelling) came to our stake to speak to us. He spoke for the Priesthood session on Saturday night and we went over the document from the 1st Presidency, "The Living Christ." We read it, phrase by phrase, paragraph by such. Sentence by such, word by word. It was incredible. This meeting was the same. Their topic was the 3 fold mission of the church. Proclaim the Gospel, Redeem the dead, Perfect the saints. This was the first time I had heard his councilors speak. It was great.
Late last week I got an email from a friend my mom knew from HS. She had joined the church some time ago and my parents met up with her during a stake conference there in Cali and they have stayed in contact for a while now. She keeps in contact with me by email and facebook, and she asked a question. She was making a collection of her poems and one of them was a poem she wrote for my first marriage. She was asking for my permission to use it in her book. I had to think on this. My first marriage was a disaster from the beginning. It did produce my beautiful daughter Emma, whom i miss with all my heart. I cannot take back the past, but I can work on teh now, to make sure the future is not messed over. So i told that was fine. I just asked that she not use our names in it. She said that was fine and thanked me for that. She was also putting a short story together and needed a hero for the story. I still have not read it to see if i want to be in it, but thats ok.
Well I have rambled on enough. I have reopened this blog to everyone so that you all can read it.

Amazing

Today for for church the Primary had their program for the year. It was so touching to see them up there and sing and then share their little messages they had practiced for so long. What really touched me was listening to them sing the songs I love to hear and sing. About the temples, about families, and the closing song came from the children's hymnal and I could not sing, I was so much in tears. The song was called, "If the Savior stood beside me." I just looked online and the song is not in the children's hymnal, so I do not know where it came from, but this is a few of the verses.
'If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do? Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true.... would I say the things I say? Would my words be true and kind, if He were never far away?... So I'll be the kind of person that I know I'd like to be if I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me.'
You know I always remember when i was younger my teachers that would ask this question. Would we even recognise Him if He were to come today and stand in the midst of us? Would we be like those in the New Testament in Luke 24:32, 'And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?' I have seen the picture of the Savior standing outside the door knocking, with there being no door handle. He is knocking hoping we will open up to Him. To hear it from the mouths of those in many years from now will be the future Bishops, Elders Quorum Presidents, Primary Presidents, Sunday School Presidents, and others I think the church is in such good hands. The Primary President even bore her testimony afterwards and said that there must have been angels with them, since they did not sound like that in practice. I know the spirit was there. I know He heard these young ones speak. I know He heard the songs they sang and the testimony in their hearts. I add to that, that I know that it is all true. I just have a hard time remembering that. I let the outside world take a hold of me and drag me down. I pray that the decision to have my blessings restored will happen soon. I need to do something in the church to keep me remembering who I serve and why I do so. Today helped me in so many ways.
Then, in Sunday school Chris and I attend the Gospel Essentials class. It is taught by the Gospel Principles book and it was on Eternal Families. So I was doubly hit today. It is so amazing that the other Church's bash on us for our beliefs, and whatnot, then we take a stand, such as Prop 8 from California, the other churches stand behind us. Yet they want to be more tolerant to the alternate persons, they go and hide behind those who take a stand and defend the basics to which the Lord entrusted to man. An old saying that hits to me is, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Even in the scriptures it says about those who do the alternate lifestyle. That they will be burned. Such was the Israelites when Moses took them across the desert. Such was Sodom and Gomorrah. So this life is going downhill. Well I have said enough for now. Time to go to bed and get some sleep for work.

Headline, "Bad day for shitters as port a potty goes up in smoke."

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=4794846


I wrote the headline, I hope I can get royalties from it....

6 random things

I got this from Sarah, so what the hey.

1. In the coming year, I want to have in SL the tuba Christmas. Its a group of tuba, euphonium, baritone and trombone players coming together to play Christmas music for one day. See if we can do it in a mall, or maybe the Tabernacle or Conference Center. We show up in the morning and practice for a few hours then put on the concert later that afternoon.

2. I would like to create both a Senior and Junior Corps for Drum Corps. There are two Jr corps in Wy and Co that could feed to the Sr corps here.

3. I need to get back playing everyday on my horn. Even if it is just 30 mins. they say some practice is better than none at all. So I need to get that going.

4. I sometimes wonder what nothing is. I'll let that one stew for a moment. So... what is nothing? If there's is such a thing as nothing, then there is a something cause you really can't have nothing in the place of something. Which would mean the nothing has got to be something....

5. Ok now that I have baffled you, I want to go fishing next summer. Buy all my gear this winter, get it all ready and then early spring, or whenever the season starts, go find a place to fish and go.

6. I wonder who else will do this blog on their account. Hmmm......who.....????

Update

Wow, I guess I have been missing a few things. I have been so focused on doing a good job at my work, that I have not taken the time to sit back and relax and let my feelings out. Being a tax software tech is stressful, we have customers calling and just about cry when they call because form 8839 line 3 doesn't flow to the return and they need it right now or life will end. The dead line for 990 returns are this Saturday and if they can't get them out these companies will be penalised and charged from the IRS for not getting their forms in on time. Yeah here is a good one from this week. A volunteer fire dept will be fine $60,000 if the 990 forms are not filed in time. $60,000 fine for not filing on time. They are non-profit. Its ridiculous. Yet the CPS's and whatnot we talk too, have to get it done. Its the law, good old tax law. So if they are having problems on their computers with our software, we have to fix it, or its their backside. And we would loose that account. They would stop doing business with us. Now in the scheme of restaurant work, its the same as a customer getting bad service from lets say Burger King. That person tells 10 other people, they in turn tell 10 of their friends and it just snow balls from there. CPA's will be calling in asking to talk to sales and cancel their accounts and Red Gear is out of the tax software business. Jobs are lost, families are ruined, all hell fire and damnation go loose. Its Pandora's box and the crash of 1933 all over again. OK maybe not that bad, but it can be.



Thank you Sarah for the blogs you wrote. I am sure being a stay at home mom does have a lot of challenges. I was a stay at home dad during most of the year and wanting to get out and do things once in a while was such a nice treat. Though I can understand wanting to get the house cleaned up and try to make it look like you did something there. Going through pictures of loved ones that are not with us for now, is hard. I too wonder if Emma thinks of me. I gather I have been just going through a time that I need to be a hard ass and get to work and do it and worry about everything else that needs to be done in the house and elsewhere, while still working and getting things done. My stress level has gotten to the point that I have been snapping back at the wife and others. I used to be able to take Ben when he cries and just talk to him and he is ok, but just a few minutes of his crying drives me up the wall. I need to get out tonight or tomorrow before I fully snap. I know as I was getting into this job, we didn't play Toontown and life a was a little stressful, but we did other things that de-stressed us. we watched movies, and videos and just relaxed with each other. Now if I can't get a task done on TT I snap. Other toons who basically screw around and get us killed, piss me off to no end. The walkway into our home, always has stuff in the way and I have to over step just to get in. As they say, its the little things that get in the way. So maybe tonight, we go out, have a nice dinner, maybe rent a movie, go by Circuit City since they are closing and see what kinda deal we can get for Chris for a better computer. She needs it so badly. The old one she has at nights freezes up on us when we play games that it really upsets me to the point that we stop talking to each other. It really disturbs me. I think we may just take a break from the game for a few days or whatnot. Saturday I am hoping to head down to SL to go to the planetarium and go see a show. It'll get us out of the house and we can have fun down there.

On a personal note, I am happy that I have finally been able to get my life back on track. Leaving the church was not one of the brightest things I have ever done. Nor was giving up my membership for one night or several nights/weeks/months of enjoyment. It is an important part of a healthy relationship with your partner, but to have it be a focus for life's pursuit, I realised that yes it is to help those who have not had the chance to be here on earth have that chance, and recreation for married couples, but its a deeper meaning then that. I have watched the movies American Pie so many times, that sometimes I wonder if I was like Stiffler in some regard. And you can fill in the blanks here, that I was only as good as the last... Yes I am a male, I do have my urges and physical needs, but I have the inner spirit, who remembers who he is and where he came from, why is he here, and where he is going after this life. Some days I forget who he is. I get so lost in the now, that i forget there is someone else that is there. I do not see Him, but i know He is there. I do not always acknowledge him in the way that should be done, and I know how much it hurts him. But the one thing that I know there is the way to ask Him for forgiveness. Doing what he asks of me. Going every Sunday, partaking the sacrament, reading His words from the lips of the prophets. Going to him in humility and asking forgiveness. Bringing back the spirit in my life to help me remember Him. I am not perfect, but I love my wife, i love my children, I love the Lord, I love his church, I know its true. I am so grateful for Him and his atonement. I still do not know what the road ahead has for me, but I know that it is what the Lord wants me to do, and I need to get off my duff and do it. Stop sweating the small stuff and look at the big picture. Stop sometimes and smell the roses. If i don't i will miss it all.

Funny in a sad way.

you know I am not sure if I really should have titled it this way. Maybe more of sad. I was just reading an article on ksl web site and in the religion pages it talked about the Catholic Church now putting into the works to have their Priests Psychologically screened before they can become priests. That way that the church can save themselves some headaches for the future as it happened several years ago with the priest molesting the young boys.
Than i look at what we have in the church. We have the Bishop, pre-screen in a way, each brother who after he turns 12 to hold the Priesthood. When a brother who is 18 and older is interviewed, there are some very direct questions that have to be answered. If they have been through the temple, other questions are added to make sure of his worthiness. All of it is done by the spirit of the Lord. The Catholics need an outside source to help them make sure these new guys are worthy to be priests. We go by the spirit of the Lord, where we have the blessings of discernment to find one worthy. I am grateful for a way the Lord can tell his servants by the spirit what they must do. When I had my court with the Bishopric, they knelt in prayer and in unanimous feeling, they felt I needed to have my blessings restored and work towards getting my blessings restored. I remember when the Lord wanted to show the Book of Mormon to the 3 witnesses, they all knelt in prayer, each one offered prayer. Martin Harris felt he was the one holding everyone back and he left. A glorious vision was opened to them that were there. After that, Joseph went to Martin and asked him what he needed to do to repent. Martin did as such and another vision was opened to them.
When we are united, in prayer, the spirit of discernment can be there. I know there has been times where a temple worker has stopped a session and asked if there was someone there that should not be. Someone got up and left the session. I wonder if the Catholics can do that in their confessionals. I think not. So just sharing something I thought was neat. Here is the link to the article.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27453318/

Too cute to pass up.

Chris and I found in JC Pennys a month or so ago a suit for Ben. we didn't at the time have the money to buy it, so we said when we did have it, we would. Well just a few weeks ago we found this suit in Wal-Mart and it was $10 cheaper than JCPennys. So we bought it. He looks so cute, he is the future Priesthood holder for our family, and boy is he sharp. Chris took the pic and sent it to me here at work and I have it on my desktop. So enjoy.

Counting the days

On Sunday morning I had an interview with my Stake President. It went rather well. He will make up his letter and then send the packet to SL to get it done. He says that if he does not hear back in 60 days he has to call down there and find out what is going on. Per information on the way it is done. So we shall see. So I titled this blog what it is. We should know something by Christmas. What a great gift that would be. My guess would be more of New Years, but we will see. I think of the last time I was able to attend the temple. It was in 97 and I lived in Seattle, or I had gone there to visit Barbara. Just over 11 years ago. It was to do the work for a name I got there while I was attending. The last time I was able to enter a temple was in 06 for the Sacramento temple open house. Someone from my messenger list who had been a member before but never was able to go to the temple, who lived in the area went to the open house themselves. They thought it was really beautiful. There was just one concern. There was a glass door between the ordinance room and the Celestial room that wasn't open. It wasn't until I went there and understood what she was meaning. In the days of Solomons temple and even the days of moses when they built their temple, there was a space between the ordinance rooms and the holy of hollies that was most sacred and was a place for the Priests who were to officiate in the HoH's could prep themselves and enter that most holy and sacred place. We have the same in our temples. It is a preparatory place where, as the Prophet Brigham Young said in his Discourses, that as we enter heaven, we give unto the Angels who stand as sentinels, the key gifts we receive when we are at the temple. That place symbolises the angels who stand waiting to accept the gifts and allow one to enter the HoH's. It must have been a little different in the times of the Old Testament, as they were looking for a Savior to come.
Yes it has been some time since I have gone, but the impressions that have been imprinted in my heart about the temple are still there. The endowment is full of symbols and full of spirit, if one who comes to the temple, open to the teachings taught there, goes away with more then he came in with. I know of several occasions that someone has gone that they could not find the answer anywhere. Have gone to the temple to ask of the Lord with everything he has to offer and found an answer. It may be through the scriptures, it may be in the blessings, it may be someone else who helps them find the answer, but they do receive it. I remember a couple on my mission who after they had both served missions, went to the temple for a date. After they got into the Celestial room, he waited for the room to clear. There was one patron working there and she would not leave but had tears streaming down her face. When she finally left, he proposed to her. She said yes, and then they went back to the dressing rooms to change. As they were leaving the patron came up to both of them and asked if they were engaged now? He was shocked and asked, "How did you know?" She just smiled and said, "The Lord told me as I watched you come in." On a personal note, when I went to the Oakland temple for the first time, I did not know what to expect. I went with an open mind and heart. When I was welcomed into the Celestial room, I sat down on the couch and just pondered the feelings and blessings I had received there. When i looked up, I saw my grandmother, who had passed away nearly a year earlier. Standing in white, with a smile on her face, and her words have stuck with me since them. Welcome home. She was there for just a brief moment. But as Joseph had said on his first vision, 'I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two aPersonages, and they did in reality speak to me.' I saw my grandmother, and she did in reality speak to me. Though she was gone, she was there for me.
I cannot wait to take Chris to the temple and go many more times after. It may overwhelm her in the beginning, but after she has gone, then we can talk together and read what the sacred things that are there, and the meaning for them. I remember when still on my mission the lessons I learned from members when we went to the temple with them. It opened my eyes of my understanding. I hope I can help Chris with those too. Well I have said enough. I am just so grateful that this is finally going on an upward ladder. It has been so long, since I was able to bless, pray, or do anything to help others. I will be so grad to be able to do that again. Its all about serving. That's what i want to do.

My new band(sort of)

1 - Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Random quotations: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.

3 - Go to flickr's "explore the last seven days" http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Put it all together, that's your debut album.

Athar Abbas

For the whole family

Time to share

Its been a week or so since I last wrote anything. There has been so much going on that I wonder how I am catching up on ot all. Just recently I found out my MTC companion and his wife have a blog on here. His name is Michael. Her name is Lila. they met while on their mission. They both finished honourably and then kept in touch after the mission. They have been married now over 11 years and have had no kids. So in catching up with them, I found out they are adopting a boy from a woman who feels it was better to giver her son a better life then what she had. So their blog was all about the work to get him. And they formed a bond with the birth mother that I know was an eternal friendship before they came to earth. This last week Tuesday, Evan was born. They had to drive to Atlanta Georgia to be there for the birth, but just reading what they wrote on the blog was so beautiful. They have ason now they can call their own, take him to the temple to be sealed to them. And the pics they have on their blog are so cute of the little fella. Mike and I didn't always see eye to eye, but I hope he knows that as my brother I loved him no matter what. He was a convert to the church and wanted to go and do like the missionaries did. So he got himself ready and a year and a half after he was baptised, he came on the mission. He brought some of his former life pictures. Those were fun to look at. Long hair, big goat-tee, raggly shirts, one pic even made him look evil. I see him now and I see what i have done in the last several years. I am not the person I was ten years ago. Back then, I choose to live unrightchously and do my own thing. One could say I would have said, Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die and it is well with me. Today i have a different view on that. I like to bring up also that in the scriptures, IF you were to take them literaly, it was ok to commit suicide if you were given to appetite. Says so in Proverbs. In teh Book of Mormon, it says they delighted in fatness. I'm obese, where does that fit in? (No punn intended). In the book, "Miracle of Forgivness" President Kimball had an itnterview with a brother who was trying to come back to the church. He asked the young man several probing questions that made the young man hang his head and tell President Kimball, he didn't think it was so inclusive and felt he had just started to repent. Bishop Stubbs in California and I went through those when I gained my membership back in 2006. He knew as my Bishop knows now, that when i answered them truthfully, I was ready to return. The leaders of the church know what the Lord has for us. They forewarn us of the dangers that lie ahead, if we just harken to their council. One such person is the Patriach. After recieving my blessing, I did read it, and thought, "Oh, some of this may never come to pass." When I think and reflect on what my life has been through the last 10-11 years, I am reminded of what I was told by the Lord, through His servent. Did I follow the council given? I'll be honest and say no. I did not. I have paid for these years and suffered the words Alma has said, the pains of a Damned soul. If God were to come today, during the time I was not following the council, I would have asked that the rocks be covering me. I would not want to meet my maker. Now? I do not know. But i do not fear Him anymore. I know He is there, watching over me along with the other billions/trillions of people on the earth today. I may grumble, I may mumble, I may gripe and moan, but I know he is there. I have just learned to have a voice. I grew up not knowing where my voice was. Sometimes I over step the boundries and pay for it, but I know who I am, I know where I come from and I know why I am here, and where I am going in the life to come. Thats my little snippet for today.

Alone for the weekend

Well its a Saturday night and I am home alone, well not entirely. But Chris is at work and I am not doing much. Got to get some dishes done, some laundry done, and that's about it. Ben is sick with a cold so he is not feeling all that well. Its tried to snow, and it has succeeded and then stopped 5 minutes later. If it does snow over night that will be fun. Chris' mom called her up on Thursday saying that Rick had the day off and they wanted to get the storage unit that they are paying on cleared out and Chris and I could have our own. So Chris calls me at work and leaves a message for me to call her back. So I did and she tells me this and that she will be on her way down to go get the key from the van. So let me just tell you what that means in Nancy's language. 'Oh boy, I get a slave to go with me all day long and do my bidding since I am driving and they have to be with me and do what I do.' So after spending 3 hours on base, because of a lock down, they finally get over to the storage unit to get out their stuff and Jerry's since he is their pride and joy. And leave Chris stuff there to be moved by us. To our new unit. So I get home from work and turn right around and move Chris' stuff mainly into the new unit. Took all of 2 hours, I was starving, Ben was hungry, and so was Chris. McD's in Clinton was having a special for .59 cent cheeseburgers. As we discussed getting a few with what money we had, i realised that my money was at home, along with my drivers license. So I was driving illegally. (Still am until I can pay the $60 reinstatement). We get home and I start right to work on dinner. Homemade stoganoff. Boil the noodles, heat up the cream of chicken soup and add sour cream to it. Add a little bit of spices. Noodles done, drain them, and put them in with the sauce. Oh yeah forgot to add the turkey chunks. You can use cream of mushroom with beef chunks and it works well too. So with that done I just went to bed since I had to get up early again for work. Ben kept us up late that night. Him being sick he did not go down well. So when i got up Friday, I was not in a good mood. So I just dealt with it and tried not to rub off on anyone wrong. But the day did get better. So now I am going to go and play Battlefield 1942 and go kill some things legally.

Work

What can I say? Work is work. BUT, I am really enjoying my job. It is a Tech Support position for H&R Block and their TaxWorks program. So today, we got all out computers up and running then we got to install the program and play with it. They gave us the beta issue, so just to let you know that the final one will be sent out in late December. For right now, there are some really cool features and it looks like a good program to get our feet on the ground. And we got our log ins, but we have no net access to our comps right now. So who knows tomorrow. All I know is that next Friday is payday and that will be a good day. Plus we will be finished with training and we get on the phones the next week. Mon-Fri 8-5 job. Until Tax season then we do shift bids and see what we come up.
So tomorrow after work, Chris and Ben was waiting for me when I got done with work. We went over to Barnes and Noble since C and B had not got me a birthday present, so they asked if I wanted a book. So we went and looked. Wasn't anything I could live without, so we went to the Mall. We stopped at the tie shop and they bought me a new tie. It says, "Worlds Greatest Dad." Sometimes I wonder if I am doing all I can to live up to that, but it has really touched me. I am so grateful for a wife who stands by me and a son who loves me no matter what. So they can say it all they want, I just hope I can live up to that. My parents sent a package to us last week and my mom sent Ben a pair of socks with horses on it and a tee shirt from the Carousel on teh Salem Waterfront there in Salem, OR. Really cute stuff. Mom sent me a tie also, that has santa and bugles. Chris got a beanie babie of a cow. It was cute.
So just to let you guys know that IF you buy the TaxWorks software for tax season next year, and need tech support, you may get me on the phone. Or if you need to know something right away or how to do something on it, email me and I will do the best I can to help. I do have the instruction book for the software, so let me know and I will do what I can to help. I am also going to offer the service to my ward here. So let me know.

General Conference

I wanted to comment on a talk and I know there will be more later, but I wanted to comment on Elder Andersons talk. On a recent post, I titled it, 1/10th of a grain of a mustard seed, is that enough faith? What an incredible talk. Just to have enough faith to know, to have the faith to continue and be blessed. Maybe that has all I have been going on for some time. Just enough faith, to realise when I have known it all along, and have to be reminded by those whose faith is stronger then mine. There have been so many times I have wanted to give up, so many times I have just moved to end of the rope, so many times I wonder if God does love me. It is those times, that He sends His servents and brings me back from the brink of oblivian. Sometimes I wonder and ask, What is so special of me? Why should I have to do all that, why can't I just stay on the path to the terrestial ot telestial kingdom? That is my choice, my agency. Yet, when I am touched by the Lord, I try to bring myself back. Yet I keep going back to my ways. It is so hard some days to remember that He loves, me, that we wants me to come to Him for all things. Then He sends His servents. And for a time, all is well. Thanks to Elder Anderson, that has helped me understand, no matter what, if I do have the faith somewhere buried there, I need to bring it out. Or I'll be visited. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who does knows me and loves me enough to help me in so many ways.

Quilt of Holes

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.

Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.

An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

God determines who walks into your life....It's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.

Prayers are answered

Yep, just as it says. I am back to being a full member of the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter-Day Saints. Now its on to writing the 1st Presidency of the church to have my blessings restored. That will take a little of time, but who knows, could be right away, could be months, could be another year, who knows. All I know that after seven long years, it is finally going somewhere it needs to be. Its been over 10 years since the last time I stepped into a temple to do work for the dead. It was 2006 i was able to go to the Sacramento Temple and see my first open house. In March of next year, there will be the open house for the Draper Temple. I am hoping Chris and I can go there to visit it. Maybe by then I will have all my blessings restored and we can do a Utah temple trip and visit them all, take pictures, and go through a session in all of them. That would be a really neat goal to do for the 09 or 2010 year goals. So we will see. We are planning on being sealed in the Bountiful Temple. We got to go by it earlier this year when there was some snow on the ground. We took some really nice pictures. I need to post them someday. When we go back up, we will take more and post them. Well that all for today. Nighty night.

Better week, I think...

As it says, it has been a better week. I don't remember much about earlier, but at least Thursday my interview with Red Gear went better then I thought it ever could dream of. I got in there, had to do a technical testing to see where I was in my technical application. They were looking for scores of 45-80. I got a 55. Then after that, I filled out the app, then had my interview. That went very well. Red Gear is using a Staffing agency to help get them employees that would be good for the company. So a lady from the staffing agency did the interview while the head guys from RG sat back and listened. They liked what they heard and I answered every question perfectly or to their specifics. So I start on Oct 6th. It will be a Mon-Fri 8-5 job until tax season. RG takes care of all of H&R Block tech stuff for their software. So we get to deal with their customers and help them fix things that they can't fix. So it should be a lot of fun. With working for a temp agency I will be getting paid weekly which will help us out a lot. We will always have money in the account to get bills paid, gas in the tank and a little saved over to go do some fun stuff on the weekends. I feel blessed and thankful to my HF to lead me there and help me during this time I have been so negative, self destructive, and selfish.
I am not sure if I should but I began to watch the last few speakers for the Relief Society Conference that happened today. The first councilor talked about the blessings of the temple and how it helps marriages and not only the dead, but the living. The second councilor talked about the RS and how it came about. Then President Uchdorf concluded it and the words he had to share with the sisters, I felt they were for me too. On Sunday is my PH court with my Bishopic. If all goes well, I will have my membership back, and we can start on the paperwork to send to the 1st Presidency and hopefully have my blessings back soon. We shall see. I am going to put it in the Lords hand. So far He has had me in His hands this week. I know He is watching out for me, and knows who I am and what I can become. I hope I can live up to that and do what He would want me to do. Thats all for now.

Long thoughts

I have issues, I have anger, I have depression. I need help. These are things I know. My wife told me last night that she had lost her faith. I had my Home teacher come by yesterday morning before Church and tell me I have it in me to pull out of where I am and be the PH he see's in me. He read a little of the lesson in a week or so about going through trials and that no matter what, the Lord gave them to me and if I relied fully on Him, I could wade through it all and make it to the other side a much better person. I have so many issues that it is hard to try to feel them one at a time. They seem to just pile on and plague me until I burst. Then I not only hurt myself I hurt the one who has been on my side the entire time. The one who loves me and believes in me. My wife. Yet she broke down last night and told me that when I told her that I wanted to have my records removed, she was going to follow me. Now it was my turn to listen. To hold her, to comfort her, and tell her that it was going to be ok. Satan is doing everything he can to fight this, us. We will not be lowered to his level. We will rise above it. Chris wants to have the PH in our home, not just when the missionaries or HT are here, but all the time. And that is what I am going to do. I have a PH court on Sunday, and I am going there ready to answer the questions, share my joy, my life and have an answer to hers and my prayers. A seven year long journey that started with simple steps from a Bishop in Idaho who took the time to sit and listen to me and hear my souls complaint, then challenge me to what I must do to return. I feel when I have reached that goal, to have us married and sealed in the Holy Temple, I will go up there and share the joy with them, who were there to help along the way. What a blessed day it will be to walk in the doors of the temple, with my family and be sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise. No it will not be easy afterwards to continue, but we will have made it to another point in our lives that we are so needing to be at. Well this is all for now. Life is hard, but we are doing it.

Travian

Wanna try an online free game that plays in real time? Try Travian. http://www.travian.us/?uc=us2_73830
My village in at 150/150 and its name is Boom Boom.

Maybe last blog

You know I am not sure why I blog here. No one reads them, no one comments on them. This may be my last one to blog here. Yeah i get to write and get my feelings out and it does make me feel better, but if no one leaves any feedback, when whats the point? I'll keep this open for a little while longer then let it go.

Ben update

Just to let everyone know, Ben was in the hospital last night with dyarea, vomiting, and dehydration. He is home now and doing good.

1/10 of a grain of a mustard seed, is that enough faith?

What can I say about this week. It has been challenging, filled with some joy, filled with peace of finally catching up, filled with knowing you can't be a part of blessing your child while he is sick. It has been a faith filled, hard week. I know it and the Lord knows it. Tuesday we finally got our Federal tax refund in the mail. Only took since April to get it. With it we planned our attack to take care of all the bills to catch up with everything. The house payment is caught up, the lot payment, the car, electricity, gas, phone, payback to Chris' brother for tires he bought for the other car we no longer have. We got things for our place we have been wanting and needing. A bathtub for Ben, a baby monitor to place in his room now that he has his own room. Just the little things we have been needing and wanting we took care of. I wanted to go down to SLC and walk around Temple Square, but gout in my right foot has prevented us from that. We had the oil change on the car, brakes redone, a Cricket cell phone so that Chris can use it for work. We have been blessed by this to get us back on the right path. Thursday night, we were on our way home from Ricky and Melissas' place when Ben threw up in his car seat. We debated whether or not to take him in. When he kept throwing up no matter what we gave him, it was time to take him in. The doctor told us he had that virus going around that if it got worse, or he could not hold anything down, take him in the Davis ER and they would put in an IV to help. Friday he did OK. We just kept on feeding him the Pedialite the Doc prescribed, and we took care of more things. Mainly Chris' payday. Chris also took me into Instacare for my foot. They gave me meds, which helped for a little while and then not. I was in so much pain last night, I was lucky to get any sleep. Ben again threw up and I knew it was time to call in the brethren. I called our HT and shortly later he called back then showed up to bless Ben. It helped me feel better. Then this morning, I fed him the Pedialite and he threw it up again. Chris had to go help her kids with soccer and I was left with Ben. AS I held him, my faith lacking, I prayed to HF to help him ,to cure him to get him through this. As i did this, I feel the calming spirit that all will be well. He will pull through this. I did not want to loose him. I pulled out my scriptures and read to him. I talked to him, I made him feel like the Son I know he is and the father I should be. We came out to the living room and I fed him a little more Pedialite and he laid in my arms while I turned on the TV to just have some noise in the house. He fell asleep in my arms. He was warm this morning, but felt so much better as he slept. He is my only boy, he will carry on the Potter name for me and my dad. I do have other male cousins who can carry the name, but I feel that it is my responsibility to carry the name in the Church. None of my other cousins are members of the church. I just hope I can provide an example to him as he grows up and does not make the same mistakes I did when I was younger. I love my son more then I could ever imagine. He is the future for the family. I am so grateful for a loving HF who listens and answers prayers. Who loves us more then we could ever think. To send down His only Son, to suffer and die for us. So that we may live with Him again. I know He loves me and all His children. I know He lives and loves us.

Last week crap, this week who knows?

Last week I was in such a negitive mood, that when I went to church, I didn't feel a thing. I was driving the spirit right out of me. We just attended Sacrament and then came home. We began to watch Charmed and saw the episode when Piper became a Furie and had to deal with the fact that Prue had left her. It brought back to me my own feelings when I left my daughter. It brought back it all. It helped me greave again and make me feel again. A little later our Home Teacher came by and we sat and talked. It felt so good to just talk to someone who would listen. Someone who has been where I've been. My HT was inactive for many years until his neighbor invited him back to church. He knew it was the right thing to do and it helped him and his family. He is now the 2nd councilor to the Elders Quorum President. It was just so wonderful to invite the spirit back and to be ready to receive it. I know now that I need to get my act together and get it done, to have my PH back and all my blessings and to take this family to the temple to be sealed. I just need to make sure I do it the Lords way.

Still damned

I guess it was no surprise that we get a call a little before 5pm today, saying that the driver for tonight has not shown up for his shift and therefore he was going to be fired. Which means Chris has to be called and save Godfathers ass once again. Tonight she had requested it off to be able to go with me to my PH court and find out if I would be off the dismembership and be welcomed back into fellowship again. We had an argument as she headed out the door. I told her that we can have it rescheduled, and she didn't want that. This is for my salvation. Whatever that may mean anymore. So now not only has her job screwed me from my work, it has now screwed me from ever being in the church again, and having it all back. I guess there really is a Satan, who is throwing the wrench into everything that was good in my life and turning it to shit. I don't even care if she does get the WY store or not. Jon may not buy it at all and still the same screwing Chris is getting from GF is still going on. I guess what i have told Chris from the very beginning is true, I am a damned soul. I am bound for Hell. It is my destiny.

Still lost, no where to be found

The one thing I did like about working for Dell was the fact that I was working. When Chris got her job working for Godfathers and then trained as a manager, I did not know that they were going to move her to different stores to "help out" and have me get fired from my job, so that we are screwed. Yeah I hope I can get back on unemployment, yeah I can go out looking for another job, but what would be the point, if her job comes first and I have to be fired or quit from a good paying job? Making the choice to quit Winegars was not the brightest idea I had. Yeah i have issues with my hands, and with a person there, but it was a job, I got to work early, I got to bed early, even though somedays Ben did not want me to sleep before I could go to work, but it worked out. I am going in tomorrow to the Roy store and see what I can do to get a job back at Winegars. They changed the bakers around so its a little weird not seeing Troy here in Clrfld. But who knows, *"IF"* the owner takes the GF store in a WY and Chris is named the manager there, who knows when it will be. The great thing is, we'd be going to a store that is well established, I have seen some reviews on it, online, and they have not been favoriable, but when they make nearly $600K a year, in gross, and that owner is selling it for just under $200K, yeah, thats a Damn good deal.
Tuesday night, I go to my next Priesthood court to see if I will be eligable to be reinstated in the church or not. And with it, get the paperwork started to the 1st Presidency of the Church for reinstatement of all my blessings. To be honest, if I were to die tomorrow, w/o having it all back, I would be fine with it. I have what i want and need. My wife, my children, and my life. They are the greatest blessings I can ever have in my life. Had it not been for my choices I made, I would not have them in my life. Yes I have gone against Gods will, yes I have been punished. I have asked for forgivness, I have done what I could to do what is right. It is now in Gods hands. I will do what He would want me to do.

I wonder sometimes...

Well, I am in a small daze right now. Chris just got word that they may be buying(Godfathers) a new store in Laramie, WY. The owner of it is retiring and selling it. He is selling it for less then what it is making per year. So that will be a good thing. and they want Chris as the new manager for it. It means we will be leaving for WY if the deal goes through. Chris thinks because of the profit it predicts, that it would be a very good deal for the franchise. I means I may have my blessings pushed back a little more, but it will get done. It may also mean, I can go back to school to get my degree in music and I can work there too. I saw on teh employee pages that they are looking for a baker at the university, so Chris and I could get benifits and have a wonderful life there. I think we will have to take this into serious thought and reflection. Just thought to share the good news.

Life, isn't it about time?

The last few weeks have been harsh on me. From not having work, to having to go back to work, to having a melt down Monday night. A week or so ago, I was reading my home paper on the net and found a person whom my parents knew growing up had passed away. So I let my parents know. I think it was Tuesday night I was reading the obits for the same paper, and someone I had known and worked with had passed on. How many will us would confess that we had a past while we were teenagers? We'd done something completely stupid, got caught, had to pay a fine, and do some service work. I did, 120 hours worth. I got it done in like 2 1/2 months. I was sent to work for this place called the Victory House. I homeless shelter and place where the homeless could get a meal and a place to stay. I was on kitchen duty the whole time. My first chores were to clean the dishes. On a Tuesday night, there was this one cook, who liked to use every single pot and pan in teh place to cook. It was tiring but I did it. After a time, they had me doing other things like making salads, or start making the "squash goolash" as I call it. And the one thing about the head person of this, he was also the spiritual leader. Before we opened the doors, we would gather around in the kitchen, hold hands and pray. Not just for the people coming in, but for everyone. I learned a lot of life lessons there. Nothing I could have learned anywhere else. It was where the Lord needed to put me to help me. Well that man has passed away, and I feel a sense of sadness, but gratitude for the life of Christ and the example and place he left on my heart. I honour and reverence this giant, and man, whom was not a member of my faith, but had the faith of one who had walked the walk and talked the talk of Christ. God bless the memory of Vern Miliken. God be with you, 'til we meet again.

Pondering

You know, I now have the DTV box so that when in February next year my TV does not stop working. And because of it, we get a lot of new channels that we did not have. Plus all the channels we did have are so crystal clear now. One of the channels we have is the BYU channel. I watched a show about LaVell Edwards, the great BYU coach. There was a lot I did not know, but after watching it, I think it would be cool to meet him someday. Most of the time when I go through the channels, I briefly stop there and see whats on. Later today, they had a show about a German kid who defied the germans during WWII and was killed because of it. But because of him and his friends, Germany is what it is today. Then right afterward was the video about President Hunter. As before i could not keep my eyes off of it. I wanted to know. I did not know that President Hunter did not serve a mission. But he kept busy, he learned many things, he was a musician that many knew of him. He was a Bishop at a young age. A Stake Pres at a young age too. Then his calling to the 12. As I watched this, I reflect on my life. I have had many challenges, I have left the church, I have served a mission, I did live my dream when I moved to Washington and Idaho states. He always knew he had a testimony, and that one day he was studying and it just clicked in him. He knew it. It was all true. I still remember the night I knew that we have a living Prophet on the earth today, and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I have delved in and studied, reached out to the Lord to have that solid testimony that would forever change my life. Then i realise, that I have fought Him all my life. He has been there with me the entire time, yet I do not realise that He has been there for everything i have been through and done. And I did not recognise Him. It is so easy to say, that you know something is true, it is so much harder to live it. Yet so many people have told me, if you just do it, it becomes easier. Praying, Fasting, reading scriptures, and all that, it just as they say, "Is not a priority" in my life. Why I do not have it that way, I do not know. I have read my Patriarcal Blessing many times and it has stated that I would be a leader. That I am a very influencial, and a good speaker. I remember what Moses said to the Lord, "I am slow to speak." He gave him Aaron to bless him. Maybe its time I stop fighting Him and seek Him out. Forget what I have done, and move forward. It is easier to attend church. I like to go. I get to see people and mingle with them. I get to share my testimony in PH, something I don't get to do during SS or in Sacrament. Well I have babbled enough. Off to read...

A project five years in the making (Part 2)

Ok, here is the almost finished project. The only thing that is left, Chris wants to put Emma and the kids name on it, in the blue and pink squares. Once that is done, we will take final shots of the squares, and post them. We found the backing at Wal-Mart for $1 a yard. There was like 1 yard and a thrid left on the roll so we took it all. Then we went to Hancock Fabrics and found the batting for 3.99 a yard. The thickness is what we wanted, and the width was just right. So today while Chris was at work, I layed it out and trimmed the batting and the backing then pinned it together and then went to sew it. It was only after I stitched the three sides and went to turn it inside out, and realised that I had the backing in the middle when I sewed it so that the batting was the back. Spent nearly 3 hours undoing those three sides. Then repinning it and then resewing it. And finally its done. So enjoy, Ben is not happy I put him down.

A project five years in the making

I started this, well I picked the fabric from a cheap package of fabric from Wal-Mart when Emma was just born. I cut the pieces out and then had a family member from my ex-wifes side sew the blocks together. We put it in an old cookie canister and figured when I had a decent sewing machine I would finish it for my next child. Well I finally pulled it out and got it done. I am missing a lot of pieces that made the border, but I went ahead and piecemealed the border and this is the close to finished project. It will now be for Ben and whom ever is up there that will grace our family. Hope you enjoy it. I took two pics, to show the whole thing, and close up of the 4 blocks that make it up.

Through adversity, there is a light, somewhere...

Well I went in yesterday to Teleperformance and got an app. Then they called back wanting to schedule an interview for today. I came home filled out the app, then came back in this morn for the interview. I got the job back. Didn't take much for them to see that I want to work, so they knew I would be OK to rehire back. So that problem is solved. Bad thing is, I have no money coming to pay bills until end of next month. Oh well, we've been worse, we will survive.
Bad news- There is always a down side after a good up side. Went to call on my license to get that reinstated. As stated on the form they sent me, I owed $30. So i was ready to pay for it, and get it reinstated. Oh no, I owe $60 for TWO convictions. OK now I if memory serves, they sent me only one letter stating that I had ONE conviction. They say it was their error and I still have to pay the $60 to have my license reinstated. Ummmm excuse me? Your fault and I still have to pay for it. I don't think so. So that put me in a rather pissed off mood. Oh well, I just drive on a suspended license until they catch me. My BIL(Brother In Law) wife did it for five years, and never got caught, why can't I? So until Hell freezes over, or I get struck by lightning, I am now an insured, suspended driver. This will go over big with the Bishop. So now I have to wait to go to court with the other ticket and talk to the judge about this. In the meantime, I am going to contact a lawyer to see what I can do about it. Since the state of Utah, thinks they are God, and can do what they please without giving complete information. Oh and it gets better from here. I go with Chris to work up in Harrisville tonight. As we pull in, I tell Chris that she is going to be driving tonight. She blows me off. Guess who was closing driver tonight from 8-10pm? Does she or will she ever listen to me? Find out on the next episode of "Home with the Potters'!"

Tough decision

There are a lot of decisions in life and I had to make one of the hardest I had tonight. As you know for the last month and a half, I have been working as a baker for Winegars. I have had to quit it. The scheduling conflict between my wife's work and mine just does not work out for me to work for the job. I can barely get any sleep, I feel like crap when I get home from work, my wife has pretty much called e lazy without saying the actual word and phrase. It was just not the right time or job for me. It filled a whole to get some things paid, and look towards the next job. I do not think Chris really understands what we do in a bakery and no one ever will unless they walk a mile, or work a day in a bakery. Something better is out there. What and where it is, God only knows. I feel it is the right choice for me. I feel that way, because there has been so many issues come up in this job, that I just don't want to go into details, but it is just better that i depart now and put it all in the Lords hands. I am going to do my part with going out, searching, putting out apps, and talking to find the right one. As our lesson in Sunday School on Sunday talked about the Sons of Mosiah and how they diligently search the scriptures while they were on their missions, and how we diligently search for our keys or wallets or whatever we lose at home. How we should use that effort in our scripture study. That's what I am going to need to do. Wednesday is a job fair in Layton. I am going to that, to see what I can get out of it. Who knows, I may got back to Teleperformance, or go elsewhere. Right now, I feel at peace with the choice I made and even though they will be angry, frustrated and just not happy, they will find someone who can do the job, who has the time to do it, and not have any other distraction in their way. Heck, I am going to call back the asst manager to Denny's in Layton. He called the day after I got the job at Winegars wanting to have me come in for an interview. i turned it down since I got the job at Winegars. He may not be happy to hear from me again, but I did love working for Denny's. No benefits, but I did enjoy the work and if they were finally serious enough to call me, I should call them back and tell them I am now available for the job, if they have a position open. We shall see. As I remember one brother from my home ward in Cali say before I went on my mission, he is a good strong member of the church, pays his titihing, had a son on a mission, lost his job due to the job going out of business. But because of his political ties with the city counsel and such, he got a job right away working for a congressman. I remember what he said when he lost the job, "That's what I get for being a faithful member and paying my titihing. I lose one job, and find a better one." The Lord was looking out for him, and so He will do the same for us. As long as we keep on doing what is right. He will bless us. That is all for now.

A new oppertunity

I was watching the BYU channel last Sunday since we were not able to make it to church and they had a whole few hours of nothing but Patriotic music. Then I thought this, and I am hoping that it works out. I want to audition for the Mo Tab Choir next year. I just visited their web site and they are not taking any auditions this year. But next year they will be. With the thought that I may be a full member and active, temple worthy and all that by next year, what a great idea to do. And then after reading what needs to be done to audition, I realised that I need to get a vocal teacher to get me back up to speed for it. So who knows, I may be in the Choir by the end of next year.

What a week/day June 30-July 5

Well now that the July 4th holiday is behind us I can sit for a few and type some thoughts. When I saw the schedule for the week I asked if we were going to be busy and may hav some over-time. The boss said, oh yeah, there will be a lot to do. So away we went to work. I tink i got about 3-4 hours of overtime for the week, so that will be good on my next check. On Thursday, it was payday and I just needed to get out of town. So when i got home Chris was ready to go so away we went to Salt Lake. I was hoping to see the Conference Center, Temple Square, and the JS building with the movie. The only thing we got a chance to do was see the Church History Museum. Three floors and we were able to see the main floor and the 2nd floor. Just to see all that was saved, by the pioneers and donated to share the world was amazing. To see the death mask of both Jospeh and Hyrum, brought it all so real and to home. I was in tears before I even made it to the 2nd floor. On the 2nd floor, they had a beautiful display of all the prophets of the church. Key items they did or had while they were alive were on display. It was incredable to see the different Book of Mormons they had on display with the Ezra Taft Benson section. It is true, he really did flood the world with the Book of Mormon. A statue of the angle Moroni is there too. I took a few pics and will add them later. The greatest event on our way out. As we got to the main floor, and were dropping off the stroller we had borrowed, a couple walked in the doors that I had known since I was a child. He was not my Bishop, but I did have him as a teacher in High School. He and his wife were serving a Family History mission next door, and were meeting family there. I called out his name and his wife began looking around at who knew him as Bishop. Then they saw me and it was a wonderful reunion. I introduced Chris and Ben to them and they asked what I was doing here and how my parents where and it was so incredable. I remember reading in Alma, how when He and the sons of Mosiah met after serving their missions and how the joy they felt when they were still brethern and they were still strong in the gospel. It made the week worth it, no matter how tired I was, no matter what I was feeling, that made it all worth it. It helped burn my testimony deeper in my heart. I know my Saviour Loves me and knows me. I do not think it was conincidence that we met them, the Lord lead us there. I cannot thank Him enough.

Life as we know it, is getting better

Well it has been a while since I have put anything down to blog about. To continue from the last blog, i will make it brief. I went to see the judge on Tuesday after my "Vacation' and was able to make a deal to get the first ticket taken care of. And by Friday of that same week, that was taken care of. now I made a promise to appear and pay at least $150 towards the next ticket and also show proof of insurance. i said no problem. So that comes up in August. Then i get in the mail a letter from the state that I now needed to get an SR22 insurance, and my license is suspended until i pay the $30 reinstatement charge and show proof of the insurance. So until Thursday of this next week, I have not been driving. My wife feels that it is weird that she has to take me everywhere, but we do what has to be done so that we do not get another ticket on top of all this we all ready have.
Good news, is I may be working full time at the bakery. We still have no idea what is going to happen to Tracy who is 70+ years old and still working in the bakery. He has been having issues with his health, so his doctor may force him to retire. So I will have full time status soon and that makes me very happy. The job isn't hard, but it does get tiresome some days, when we have co-workers who don't have much brain power. 'When the Lord told them he was handing out brains, I think they thought, "Oh boy! We get Trains!' Anyway, that is going great. Last night we had a Dutch Oven cook off at a members house for a ward party. There was so much food and it was all so good. We also had to fill out a card stating something about us that no one else would know. That was a lot of fun. When i went to pick up my wife that night at midnight after her shift was done, i was really sleepy and cranked up the radio. Then something wonderful happened. As I was sitting there, music from the hymns filled my mind and I began to sing them. The tears rolled down my cheeks as the spirit filled my heart. I finally realised what my favorite hymn is. A poor wayfaring man of grief. I love the last verse, when he talks about the Savior showing him the tokens in his hands, the work he had done for the Savior, it made me realise who I really was. I was a Son of God. I am a brother to the greatest man who ever lived. I am an heir to all that the Father has. I remember the days I was a missionary, and brought souls to Christ. It was my time now, to bring myself to Christ and fully convert myself. I am not perfect still, I am so far from it. But i am going to do all I can to do what He would do, say what He would do, and be as He is. It was then I realised that I do have a testimony of Christ, His redeeming love for me. And now that I am so close to becoming a full fledged member and PH holder again, I am going to do all I can to make sure I do it right. Elder Mc Conkie said it best, it would have been better to never have sinned, then to sin, and repent. But what is it that the Savior said, "If you truly confess and repent, i will remember your sins no more." That is a great reward. That is so much better to have to hear in my ears if I were to die before I were to receive all my blessings again. To be fully forgiven and the Lord to remember them no more. Well I have said enough. I need to go and take care of some more "Honey Do list" items.

The longest 12 hours I will never get back

I titled this blog this way, due to an incident which happened in the space of 12 hours. Last November I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I was just a few days away from payday and would have the insurance then. But was given the ticket anyway and told to show up in court and all would be well. That was my thoughts. I had time on my hand and I could get it paid. The weeks rolled by, the months creeped along and soon the date to have it all paid came and went.(Does this remind you of another story?) Since the unpaid ticket was sent back to the judge, he ordered a warrant for my arrest. We lost that insurance due to non-payment and the car was sent to Chris' ex who promised to keep on paying it off. That's another story. So last night as Chris and I were driving home from dropping off the deposit from her work, we were just about to get on one street that would take us straight home, when the lights of a police car turned on behind us. I pulled over, got out the info he would request and he came up, got the info, went back to his car and put it in. Several minutes later, he got out, had another cop car behind him for backup and asked me to come with him. I told him i knew what was going to happen and did not put up a fight or struggle. I was handcuffed and placed in his car and soon afterward we headed on down to the jail. Never before had I ever been inside a jail. Never before had I been booked on anything. After nearly an hour of info they needed from me, I tried to call Chris from their phones and could not get through. It was late, i was tired, and I needed some sleep. So i was given the jail uniform to wear and the bag of items I would need for my stay. I was lead to the block where I would spend the night and in the morning be arraigned in front of the judge. I did not sleep that much that night, due to not having my CPAP machine to help me breathe. So what sleep I got, was it. They woke us up at 4am, and we had the time to shower, shave, clean up for the judge. At 6:30am, a group of us went to the holding cells that lead to the room where we would talk to the judge via video conference in his office.
I am starting a new paragraph here because I think this is the most important thing i would like to share. That whole night, I was scared. I prayed like i had never prayed before. And in the silence, the sweet peace of the love of God filled me enough to help me get some sleep. That morning i continued to pray. I prayed all until i met the judge and pleaded my case. The judge ordered me to promise to come to his court on Tuesday and pay for the rest of the older ticket and make arrangements to pay this new ticket. If you have never read the parable of the Man with a debt, you would understand the relief I felt, when he said to me that i would be let go today to get that done. I do not know the words to express my love, my devotion, my thanks to my Saviour, who paid the price for me so that I can and have a way to repent. My faith has increased and my love has too. I have more to say, but i need to go rest now. I will continue this tomorrow.

As the song says, the Light will come.

Wow, what a good day. Didn't get too well sleep last night but got up anyway and took care of some things that needed to be done. Then Chris and I got on Toontown online and played for a while. We finished up a movie we started last night but were too tired to finish it. Wild Wild West. I haven't seen that in years. Good to see something fun and enjoy the time with the one I love. I had my interview and I think it went really well. They are going to call me by Monday to have another interview with the head boss and see what we can go from there. I may be working at 3 different Winegars stores, due the fact they need the help in the 3. So I may have a full time job either next door, in Roy or in Bountiful. To me it does not matter. I just need to work. The guy who I talked to today asked if I could work in the other stores as needed, and I said not a problem. I probably shot low for a pay grade, but I said I would leave it up to them. Start me off low and let me work my way up. Prove to them that I know this work and enjoy it. I know it was not my doing to get this job, I am sure God had a hand in it. And I thank Him for it. I have been reading Jesus the Christ lately and trying to think what He would think, do as He would do, and say as He would speak. Plus I am finding me in Him. I want to be like Him, I need to be more like Him then I am now. Someday.

Silver lining, light at the end of the tunnel, who knows

For the last several weeks, maybe even last month or so, I have been on a Hell bent journey to go there. Hell would be a better place then where I am right now in life. Yesterday at Church, something didn't touch me, but had me sit back and make me think. I know the first talk was on music and how it can influence our lives to be better and make life easier. I have always thought that and know it to be true. Even on my darkest days, music has pulled me from the depths of hell I felt I was in and pulled me free. Some words of the hymns that were discusses, didn't really hit me, but made me think. Who am I really, why am i here, where am I going after this? Then something stuck me while waiting for Chris at her moms place. Do i really know who my Saviour is? Have I asked Him who He is? I have always been told who He is, and why he did what He did. And thats what I beleived to be gospel. But I never really came to that conclusion that I needed to know who He was to me, not to anyone else. I am just beginning the journey that I know will someday bring back the spirit and find me somewhere. As they say, you can't know another unless you walk a mile in their shoes. Maybe I need to do that. Walk a mile in the Saviours shoes and see what He see's, say what He would say, do what He would do. I do not know where this will lead me, but it will be a better place then where I am now.

Nice day

Wow, what a very nice and WARM day. I can't believe it is almost summer. Man the years just go by so fast I can hardly keep up. This blog is so nice to be able to write what i want and not have some punk ass stupid bitch ball me out for expressing my feelings. Now I feel I can relax and just be myself and if you don't like what i write, don't bother reading it. Its not for you anyway. My Ex-FIL told my wife to call, and guess what? She hasn't yet. And she won't She is going to let him take time to chill, but she will warn him if he threatens me again, she will never talk to him or her mom ever again. so as they say, Actions speak louder then words, so we will see. As of right now, we are planning on moving to the SL area near the beginning of July. All we need to do is secure some jobs, and a house or an apartment. I know Kevin is willing to help us out, and he knows I could get a job with where he works for me. I know Chris may be able to get a transfer to another Godfathers store in the area too. So we will just have to wait and see as it gets closer. I would like to move when her parents go to Michigan this summer to see her moms parents and family. That way, when they get back, they will not be able to find us. I told my plan to Chris and she didn't seem to have a problem with it. Pack it all up, get it in a Uhaul, type up a letter to her mom, drop the keys and the payment book in the envelope and drop off the whole thing at her moms place while she is gone. Then off we go. Our number will be changed, and when it si, it will be blocked to everyone. That way the Ex-MIL cannot find us. Hate to do it this way, but you know I am tired of the Bull Shit I have been getting from her family ever since I moved here. I am not saving Chris from it, I am saving myself from fucking killing them and being kill by a firing squad. Fuck the whole saying that you should stand and fight, I have been ever since I got here and I do not have to take it anymore and I am removing myself from it. Well enough said, I need to take care of my boogie. I think he did his Dooty in the diaper, so off I go for another unfun night of nada to do. Laderz!