Pondering

You know, I now have the DTV box so that when in February next year my TV does not stop working. And because of it, we get a lot of new channels that we did not have. Plus all the channels we did have are so crystal clear now. One of the channels we have is the BYU channel. I watched a show about LaVell Edwards, the great BYU coach. There was a lot I did not know, but after watching it, I think it would be cool to meet him someday. Most of the time when I go through the channels, I briefly stop there and see whats on. Later today, they had a show about a German kid who defied the germans during WWII and was killed because of it. But because of him and his friends, Germany is what it is today. Then right afterward was the video about President Hunter. As before i could not keep my eyes off of it. I wanted to know. I did not know that President Hunter did not serve a mission. But he kept busy, he learned many things, he was a musician that many knew of him. He was a Bishop at a young age. A Stake Pres at a young age too. Then his calling to the 12. As I watched this, I reflect on my life. I have had many challenges, I have left the church, I have served a mission, I did live my dream when I moved to Washington and Idaho states. He always knew he had a testimony, and that one day he was studying and it just clicked in him. He knew it. It was all true. I still remember the night I knew that we have a living Prophet on the earth today, and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I have delved in and studied, reached out to the Lord to have that solid testimony that would forever change my life. Then i realise, that I have fought Him all my life. He has been there with me the entire time, yet I do not realise that He has been there for everything i have been through and done. And I did not recognise Him. It is so easy to say, that you know something is true, it is so much harder to live it. Yet so many people have told me, if you just do it, it becomes easier. Praying, Fasting, reading scriptures, and all that, it just as they say, "Is not a priority" in my life. Why I do not have it that way, I do not know. I have read my Patriarcal Blessing many times and it has stated that I would be a leader. That I am a very influencial, and a good speaker. I remember what Moses said to the Lord, "I am slow to speak." He gave him Aaron to bless him. Maybe its time I stop fighting Him and seek Him out. Forget what I have done, and move forward. It is easier to attend church. I like to go. I get to see people and mingle with them. I get to share my testimony in PH, something I don't get to do during SS or in Sacrament. Well I have babbled enough. Off to read...