Still damned

I guess it was no surprise that we get a call a little before 5pm today, saying that the driver for tonight has not shown up for his shift and therefore he was going to be fired. Which means Chris has to be called and save Godfathers ass once again. Tonight she had requested it off to be able to go with me to my PH court and find out if I would be off the dismembership and be welcomed back into fellowship again. We had an argument as she headed out the door. I told her that we can have it rescheduled, and she didn't want that. This is for my salvation. Whatever that may mean anymore. So now not only has her job screwed me from my work, it has now screwed me from ever being in the church again, and having it all back. I guess there really is a Satan, who is throwing the wrench into everything that was good in my life and turning it to shit. I don't even care if she does get the WY store or not. Jon may not buy it at all and still the same screwing Chris is getting from GF is still going on. I guess what i have told Chris from the very beginning is true, I am a damned soul. I am bound for Hell. It is my destiny.

Still lost, no where to be found

The one thing I did like about working for Dell was the fact that I was working. When Chris got her job working for Godfathers and then trained as a manager, I did not know that they were going to move her to different stores to "help out" and have me get fired from my job, so that we are screwed. Yeah I hope I can get back on unemployment, yeah I can go out looking for another job, but what would be the point, if her job comes first and I have to be fired or quit from a good paying job? Making the choice to quit Winegars was not the brightest idea I had. Yeah i have issues with my hands, and with a person there, but it was a job, I got to work early, I got to bed early, even though somedays Ben did not want me to sleep before I could go to work, but it worked out. I am going in tomorrow to the Roy store and see what I can do to get a job back at Winegars. They changed the bakers around so its a little weird not seeing Troy here in Clrfld. But who knows, *"IF"* the owner takes the GF store in a WY and Chris is named the manager there, who knows when it will be. The great thing is, we'd be going to a store that is well established, I have seen some reviews on it, online, and they have not been favoriable, but when they make nearly $600K a year, in gross, and that owner is selling it for just under $200K, yeah, thats a Damn good deal.
Tuesday night, I go to my next Priesthood court to see if I will be eligable to be reinstated in the church or not. And with it, get the paperwork started to the 1st Presidency of the Church for reinstatement of all my blessings. To be honest, if I were to die tomorrow, w/o having it all back, I would be fine with it. I have what i want and need. My wife, my children, and my life. They are the greatest blessings I can ever have in my life. Had it not been for my choices I made, I would not have them in my life. Yes I have gone against Gods will, yes I have been punished. I have asked for forgivness, I have done what I could to do what is right. It is now in Gods hands. I will do what He would want me to do.

I wonder sometimes...

Well, I am in a small daze right now. Chris just got word that they may be buying(Godfathers) a new store in Laramie, WY. The owner of it is retiring and selling it. He is selling it for less then what it is making per year. So that will be a good thing. and they want Chris as the new manager for it. It means we will be leaving for WY if the deal goes through. Chris thinks because of the profit it predicts, that it would be a very good deal for the franchise. I means I may have my blessings pushed back a little more, but it will get done. It may also mean, I can go back to school to get my degree in music and I can work there too. I saw on teh employee pages that they are looking for a baker at the university, so Chris and I could get benifits and have a wonderful life there. I think we will have to take this into serious thought and reflection. Just thought to share the good news.

Life, isn't it about time?

The last few weeks have been harsh on me. From not having work, to having to go back to work, to having a melt down Monday night. A week or so ago, I was reading my home paper on the net and found a person whom my parents knew growing up had passed away. So I let my parents know. I think it was Tuesday night I was reading the obits for the same paper, and someone I had known and worked with had passed on. How many will us would confess that we had a past while we were teenagers? We'd done something completely stupid, got caught, had to pay a fine, and do some service work. I did, 120 hours worth. I got it done in like 2 1/2 months. I was sent to work for this place called the Victory House. I homeless shelter and place where the homeless could get a meal and a place to stay. I was on kitchen duty the whole time. My first chores were to clean the dishes. On a Tuesday night, there was this one cook, who liked to use every single pot and pan in teh place to cook. It was tiring but I did it. After a time, they had me doing other things like making salads, or start making the "squash goolash" as I call it. And the one thing about the head person of this, he was also the spiritual leader. Before we opened the doors, we would gather around in the kitchen, hold hands and pray. Not just for the people coming in, but for everyone. I learned a lot of life lessons there. Nothing I could have learned anywhere else. It was where the Lord needed to put me to help me. Well that man has passed away, and I feel a sense of sadness, but gratitude for the life of Christ and the example and place he left on my heart. I honour and reverence this giant, and man, whom was not a member of my faith, but had the faith of one who had walked the walk and talked the talk of Christ. God bless the memory of Vern Miliken. God be with you, 'til we meet again.

Pondering

You know, I now have the DTV box so that when in February next year my TV does not stop working. And because of it, we get a lot of new channels that we did not have. Plus all the channels we did have are so crystal clear now. One of the channels we have is the BYU channel. I watched a show about LaVell Edwards, the great BYU coach. There was a lot I did not know, but after watching it, I think it would be cool to meet him someday. Most of the time when I go through the channels, I briefly stop there and see whats on. Later today, they had a show about a German kid who defied the germans during WWII and was killed because of it. But because of him and his friends, Germany is what it is today. Then right afterward was the video about President Hunter. As before i could not keep my eyes off of it. I wanted to know. I did not know that President Hunter did not serve a mission. But he kept busy, he learned many things, he was a musician that many knew of him. He was a Bishop at a young age. A Stake Pres at a young age too. Then his calling to the 12. As I watched this, I reflect on my life. I have had many challenges, I have left the church, I have served a mission, I did live my dream when I moved to Washington and Idaho states. He always knew he had a testimony, and that one day he was studying and it just clicked in him. He knew it. It was all true. I still remember the night I knew that we have a living Prophet on the earth today, and that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I have delved in and studied, reached out to the Lord to have that solid testimony that would forever change my life. Then i realise, that I have fought Him all my life. He has been there with me the entire time, yet I do not realise that He has been there for everything i have been through and done. And I did not recognise Him. It is so easy to say, that you know something is true, it is so much harder to live it. Yet so many people have told me, if you just do it, it becomes easier. Praying, Fasting, reading scriptures, and all that, it just as they say, "Is not a priority" in my life. Why I do not have it that way, I do not know. I have read my Patriarcal Blessing many times and it has stated that I would be a leader. That I am a very influencial, and a good speaker. I remember what Moses said to the Lord, "I am slow to speak." He gave him Aaron to bless him. Maybe its time I stop fighting Him and seek Him out. Forget what I have done, and move forward. It is easier to attend church. I like to go. I get to see people and mingle with them. I get to share my testimony in PH, something I don't get to do during SS or in Sacrament. Well I have babbled enough. Off to read...