Slump

I guess it would happen again. I am in a slump again where I care little for anything again. My back hurts, my leg has swelled(not sure why) can't do anything without help. I am just a burden to my family and the church again. Chris lost her job due to taking yesterday off without permission because she wanted to see her kids off and she had put in for the time off and they denied her. So she asked if I would be mad if she "quit" this job. She has been stressed out with it, had to go to the ER last week while at work, then the kids getting taken by her mom again, and more threats from her mom, plus my problems, it all ganged up on her and she just had to let something go. The money was good, but the headache and heartache around it was not worth it. Win-Co is opening a new store in Roy and she will be going there tomorrow to apply. I have been seeing the ad for Winegars for a baker again, but not sure because of my problems if they would take me or think I was a risk to them. All I know for one thing, we may never get the chance to go to the temple. I won't be getting my blessings back and if the Bishop keeps pressuring me into saying that I have to step up and take them to the temple or they will be damned, I am just going to tell him to ex me. I don't need the pressure from him saying my family is damned because of me. I can't please all the people all the time. There is a breaking point in me where I have to say enough is enough. I may be dis-fellowshipped for speaking like this and I don't care. He needs to read the 121 section for the D&C where it says near the end not to force people into doing things they can't do. He may say he has love behind it, but it doesn't show. Yeah i know what your thinking(oh really now, he can read my mind here) I am finding ways to blame the church. I am not doing that at all, I am simply pointing out the facts that because I am no good to the church, I am no good to the Lord. That's how I am reading it. It may be so.There may be no real purpose for me to be here on this earth than to take up space and waste the Lords time. "Saved by grace, after all we can" I think that's more horse pucky then everyone says it is. I've done all I can. Why can't pick up some? It will be 9 years since I was rebaptised into the church in September. I am wondering if it was worth it.

P.S. I have deactivated my account of FB. I guess I am just sick of it period. I need to find better things to do than waste time on there. Maybe I will finish up my cross stitch I started on for Jacob. Maybe finish a few books I have started last year and need to finish. I know I will need to blog more to be able to get my feelings out.