Its not fair

Apparently, no matter what we try to do, something always comes up. Not clear enough? Let me see if I can move some of the yuck and get a better understanding for you. We want to have another child. My health is now in the way. I am lucky to be able to walk when I am able to get up, since my leg hurts so much. I can take Tylenol, Motrin, and it does somewhat good, but not enough. So in order for us to be able to make the baby, I need to not hurt and all that. Chris is discouraged, I am too, yet we want another one bad. Seeing my friend from my mission adopt a baby from California, and see that cute little face, its hard not to just shut down blogger or not follow their blog. I am sure someone is going to say, its not the right time if things are getting in the way. There is only one person who can get in the way of letting good things happen. He may not ever show his face in daylight ever again, as he did with Joseph, but he does delight in making people drown in their misery. I have worked too long and too hard for my health to now become an issue with the chance of being a father to another wonderful spirit from HF. I still have my bouts of depression, I think we all do. But it was nothing like before. I was in so much pain, so much misery, I just wished the rocks would pile on me and hide me from the light, or just bury myself in a hole so deep, no one could hear if I breathed or not. Yeah pretty scary stuff. I would watch Saw movies and relish in the sickness and pain of the persons who created the movies. Death became me. Death was me. I was death. I made life miserable. I made others miserable. I even pissed off some of the most helpful friends I have ever had. I still don't hear from them and that is their choice. We all have to make choices. We all have to make sacrifices so that other things or persons can be taken care of. I even sent them a message asking for their forgiveness. Their answer, we'll call you and talk to you. That was over a month ago. Handed me excuses why they couldn't call or stop by or anything. So i told them whatever. I did what I had to do. I had to ask. If i didn't, then the condemnation would lie on me only. I did my part. Well enough said, I am hoping I can make it to Church and back tomorrow. If my legs will carry me, and I can walk, I will make it. If not, I think I can just sit back and relax and maybe work on my articles I am working on for this site I am writing on. www.Allvoices.com. It is a community of writers from all over the globe, publishing stories from the net in their own words and language sharing their opinions and ideas with the rest of the world. So far I am doing well. I think I am still behind the curve, but there is room for improvement. I am still looking for some more fans to add to my fan base. All you have to do is sign up and then rate my stories as I publish them. Just visiting the articles and rating them help improve my overall score and sets me up for a promotion and a pay raise. Yes I do get paid for this. It is based on per 1000 visits and cumulative score, based on participation, reputation and promotion. I am tweeting and posting the stories on FB, just so if you are interested, you can see them. When you visit the articles, they will show how many have visited the article. And signing up and rating them helps me improve on the stories and boosts my score. So if my score reaches the min 50 before the end of the month, and I get 1000 page views, I will get a $100 check mailed to me the following month. I have to meet certain metrics if I am to get paid at any level. So if I get a score from 50-64 by the end of the month I will get paid per 1000 visits, $1.50. So if I get 62 score, and 12000 visits, that will be $180. $100 of it will be paid to me, and the other $80 will be carried over to the next month. So the next month I get a score of 64. 24000 page visits. My pay will be: $360. 80 will be added to that, so I will be paid $400 and that carry over will be $40. So it is a very nice system and I am just going for broke here by saying what I'd like to get a page visits and base score from the beginning. The metrics for your score can go higher to getting $3 per 1000 page visits. So we will see in the coming months. At least I can contribute and help pay for stuff and have this money as a backup. Well that's all for tonight.