Just a look is all it takes.

I have for the last few months, been fighting something that has no cure(at least it seemed to me), has no boundries, has no bigotry, no favorites. It can hit someone or it will pass through someones life if they keep to the right. I have been suffering from it for who knows how long, and may never have fully release me, but I am going to do all my best to fight it. I may fail some days, I may want to throw in the towel. But I know one thing is for sure. I am a Son of God. I am worth it. I am a great father. I am a wonderful husband. I have been fighting back so much it has taken so much out of me, I have just not cared for anything, anyone. This depression is so evil I do not wish it on anyone. When it grips me, there is nothing I can do to shake it. But, tonight it broke. I went in to feed Jacob before he would go down for tonight. As I held him there, I began to hum, "Love at home." He looked up at me and smiled. I began to sing another song, he just smiled at me. His eyes pierced my soul and I thought, and asked him, "Is grandma Potter here?" He just stared at me intently with so much love and compassion, i broke out in tears(as I am now). I have lost my mom, and that hurts so much. I miss her so much. She was the glue that held us together. She always had a smile on her face and she would never say a mean word to anyone. She had so much love, she never complained. I looked at Jacob and realised, he has those same traits my mom has. She has not left me, she is right next to me. I don't know how to go on, but I will. Knowing she is still with us. I will teach Jacob all I can about his grandma he didn't get to know and be like her. I will find that peace I need. I'll go where you want me to go, I'll do what you want me to do, I'll be what you want me to be dear Lord. I am not perfect, but I have a chance to be. It will not be easy, I will struggle, I will fall many times, but if I can be on my knees, and look high, and remember to always do that, maybe this darkness I am in, will soon pass. I need thee every hour, oh boy do i need thee. Thank you to all who are my friends. I really do appreciate your friendship, your love and the kind words and help you give me. Please continue. I will listen now. I guess I needed to come to myself again. Lets move forward and not back.