A call to know

The reason I titled this that way is because there is a need to know. In doing family history, not having a link in the family to a missing member causes a hole that will be left undone until it is found and patched back into the family tree. I am talking about my moms youngest sister June Ann. I do not remember when she was born, but I do know she was born in Alaska and my moms real mom dies in child birth. June was adopted and was able to recieve her inheritance from my aunts and uncle adoptive parents when they died, but she has not wanted any contact with the family. Since my moms passing, maybe we can get the ball going, find her let her know she has family, two sisters still alive, nephews, nieces galore and we want to know her. If she has made it well in life that is her own doing. We don't want that, we want her. We want to know where she has been, where she grew up, is she married, does she have any kids. I am hoping to fill a hole that has been missing for quite some time. I would like to let her see her face when she see's her sisters, her nephews, nieces, and share with her our lives and have come back with us to our fold. I am hoping that I can do a lot of fasting and praying to make this happen. If you would like to join me in the Fast, it will be done the first Sunday in June. I am going to post this to a few networks and see what we can find. I see that Oprah is doing a show about lost family members. Maybe she might want to get in on this and see what help we can get to find her. I will not stop this search until my very last days on this earth. I hope my mom on the other side along with her mom and her adoptive parents, will be part of this quest.

Found this a while ago, but still find it funny.

"I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel."

Can't feel any better, but working on it.

The good thing about leaving something, is that you should always look ahead and not look back. Too bad Pottiphers wife didn't listen to the Lord. What would it be like to be a pillar of salt? Would I loose my flavour? Would I just be blowing in the wind like the sand? anyway enough of my ponderings in outerspace. I have not completely but systematically stripped my FB account so that no games, or pages, or requests, or other thing that would distract me from enjoying the peace and quiet of just doing other things that need to be done. I do still play toontown and that gives me something to enjoy. But the FB games have just not only bored me, but there is no challenge in them anymore. But of course I think I was born a No-Mad and should travel and do things and change as often as I can. I hate change but I do like it most of the time.
Last week I began to read a book that my HT brought to me, a while ago and it has helped me understand a little more to the Atonement and what it can do to help me. I still am being bombarded by Satan, I know it and he knows it, I just need to work on pushing him back so I can have the spirit to be with me. I will say though in a few days, the kids will be heading to Texas and it will be nice to have the house to ourselves again. I think also then I can get myself in a better frame of mind. One thing that I will look forward too int he new year is Mary will be staying there in TX for the school year so that she can be with her dad and maybe get some more one on one time with him. We think that will be the best for her. So all we would have to worry about is Zach during the week and David during the weekend. So we got that going for us. Which is nice...

Just a look is all it takes.

I have for the last few months, been fighting something that has no cure(at least it seemed to me), has no boundries, has no bigotry, no favorites. It can hit someone or it will pass through someones life if they keep to the right. I have been suffering from it for who knows how long, and may never have fully release me, but I am going to do all my best to fight it. I may fail some days, I may want to throw in the towel. But I know one thing is for sure. I am a Son of God. I am worth it. I am a great father. I am a wonderful husband. I have been fighting back so much it has taken so much out of me, I have just not cared for anything, anyone. This depression is so evil I do not wish it on anyone. When it grips me, there is nothing I can do to shake it. But, tonight it broke. I went in to feed Jacob before he would go down for tonight. As I held him there, I began to hum, "Love at home." He looked up at me and smiled. I began to sing another song, he just smiled at me. His eyes pierced my soul and I thought, and asked him, "Is grandma Potter here?" He just stared at me intently with so much love and compassion, i broke out in tears(as I am now). I have lost my mom, and that hurts so much. I miss her so much. She was the glue that held us together. She always had a smile on her face and she would never say a mean word to anyone. She had so much love, she never complained. I looked at Jacob and realised, he has those same traits my mom has. She has not left me, she is right next to me. I don't know how to go on, but I will. Knowing she is still with us. I will teach Jacob all I can about his grandma he didn't get to know and be like her. I will find that peace I need. I'll go where you want me to go, I'll do what you want me to do, I'll be what you want me to be dear Lord. I am not perfect, but I have a chance to be. It will not be easy, I will struggle, I will fall many times, but if I can be on my knees, and look high, and remember to always do that, maybe this darkness I am in, will soon pass. I need thee every hour, oh boy do i need thee. Thank you to all who are my friends. I really do appreciate your friendship, your love and the kind words and help you give me. Please continue. I will listen now. I guess I needed to come to myself again. Lets move forward and not back.