I give up

I know what they say, if you have offended someone try to make it right by apologizing, and do what you can to make it right. I did that. I bashed a friend and his girlfriend on Facebook. I just did not care for her and she knew it, but I went a step too far and bashed her and her boyfriend while someone was looking to find a group to play with. I just could not shut my mouth and with that a few months later, I went back to swallow my pride and make it right, but I burned the bridge too much that there was no going back. So I give up. I guess some people can only take so much from me until they say enough is enough. And because of this, I lose the friend, the group I gamed with, and probably my respect.

Why do I do this? So today while I was at work, I was talking to myself(I tend to do it a lot), I decided that I am going to just lock people out, not get involved, not let anyone get close enough to burn their trust, bridge, or respect. I know what they say that we should forgive 7 times 70 but I guess when we get past the point of no return there is no more return. And I can't say I can't blame them. So i told them I understood and am locking everyone out.

I will be going to church, do my calling, but just not let anyone in anymore. I am also closing my Facebook page for a while. i just need some solitude and time to decide what to do next. This I know will piss off a lot of others who have gotten close and know me, but I just can't risk losing anyone else. While I was on my mission, we had our mission bible and it told us to lock our hearts. So this is what I will do. So sick of myself. Maybe I should just ignore myself. Or just end it all.