A little over ten years ago, I left the church because of some little things that I didn't think were that important. Nearly ten years ago, I was re baptized in to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I began the journey many have traveled and have either failed or conquered. Soon after the readmission into the church, I fell. With help from a great Bishop, that was worked out. Was active as much as we could, but lived a slightly different life then most members. Anger and other issues popped up that lead to a divorce and losing the family I had. Again another wonderful Bishop was there to be with me and help me with my struggles. I was brought back again. I met my current wife now, and fell again. Nearly a year later, I was welcomed back into the church and again still did my own thing. We petitioned to have my blessings restored. It was denied because it was too soon after being re-fellowshipped back into the church. So we waited the year for that to finish. Resubmitted the application. Took about 3 - 4 months to get back. Because I was not working, nor paying my tithing, they would not put it through but gave me instructions on what I needed to do. As soon as I had a steady job, if you can call working as a cook for a bar in Utah steady, my wife and I put it in our heads that we would pay tithing now matter what. And we did. Few blessings here and there came in. We didn't have need for much. Things went well for a little over three months. When the bottom fell out. Yes I lost my job. But we still paid our tithing. The application was resubmitted while I was still working. We thought it was going to take a while. On Sunday the 26th of June, as we were headed into Sacrament meeting our Stake Pres secretary pulled me aside and asked if I and my wife could meet with the Stake Pres after Sacrament. We said yes we can. Church started, and we pondered what it could mean. We took our boys to their classes and came back to wait for him. He invited us in, had us sit down and then on his desk was the letter we had been waiting for. He opened it and read it aloud to us. We burst into tears. My application to be restored was approved. We scheduled to have it done on Tuesday night and he asked us to go see our Bishop and have him give us our Temple Recommend interview. Then on Tuesday night he would sign both and we would be ready to go.
Tuesday night, we showed up and had to wait a few minutes for everyone to arrive. I had to run back home and get my wife’s recommend so it could be signed. When I showed up, Chris had her other interview and was waiting in the High Council room. President Johnson signed both of them and we walked together to the room. He re read the letter to our Bishop and asked me to sit in his seat. He then proceeded with the restoration. What I am going to share is what I saw in vision while he was speaking. I saw in vision, the Savior even Jesus the Christ; suffer with me for ten long years. To be put on the cross, then placed in the tomb. I watched as He went from mortality to immortality. As He rose from his grave, I understood what the Atonement was all about. Here I was newly restored, rising up to meet the new day. As near to being as perfect as He is. All that was done in the past is now truly in the past. It is over with. It is dead. I am whole again. Other things he mentioned in the blessing sent me elsewhere. He mentioned that attending Angels would be there for me. All I could think about was my mother and her mother. Both were there in spirit and standing by us. I also felt the weight of the responsibilities on my shoulders. It was just amazing what I felt. I truly feel blessed and loved by all who have stood by me and watched as this has unfolded. I pray they can be blessed for their efforts and love for me.
Today has been a good day. Got up, got things that needed to be done done and had an interview with a company I had started before going to Bogeys. They are going to rehire me and get me back in. So that is a blessing too. Jacob and I feel a little under the weather and he has had a bad night so far. He threw up in his bed so we got it out and put it in the washer and dryer. While waiting for the dryer, I felt the prompting to bless him. He was in my arms, so why not. I did so and he is resting well right now. I just feel so overjoyed, over whelmed, so blessed. I can't wait to bless my daughter on Sunday. It will be a joyous occasion.
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Bens Potter Birthday tickers
Jacob Potter Birthday tickers
Phoebe Potter Birthday tickers
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
A new look on life
For those of you, not LDS none of this may make any sense. But for the ones out there that are, I hope I can inspire someone to reach higher, know you are not alone and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. In 1999, I left the LDS Church because a few things that bugged me. I was born and raised in the church, had served a mission for the church in Seattle, WA. I moved back to there a year after I had finished. It was then I fell into the worldly traps and lost all that I had.
The person I was living with was not a member and we were planning on getting married. She was 9 years my senior and we were in love, or so we thought. We moved to Idaho to further her education in textile design. Little did we know that in the 8 months we lived there, we would split up and go our separate ways.
The members of the church were ecstatic to have a lost sheep come back to the fold. In fact it was said by my Stake President that i was the most active non-member he had ever seen. It was partly because of them that i came back. I also came back for my own choice. I left my worldly life and began anew.
It was on September 2, 2001 I was rebaptised into the church and was on the journey to have all my blessings restored of the Priesthood and temple. A few weeks later, I fell back to my old ways. And to my dismay, I began a destructive life that has put me in jail a few times, lost my family, and almost my life.
After I had lost my family, i moved here to Utah to begin anew. It was hard to adjust to the area and the way they do things here, but I have managed. Again i fell into some old habits and had to be punished for my sins. 2 Years it took for me to be able to send in my paperwork to have it be looked over by the leaders of the entire church. That was in 2009. After a long wait of nearly 4 months, they said no. I did not have a job, did not provide for my family, did not pay my tithing. When i did that, then i could resubmit my application.
Depression set in, I had 2 boys and my wife to support and i couldn't keep a job for anything. Then i get the news in 2010 that my mom dies. I felt so alone, so out of it, so far in the hole that I just wished the earth would cover me up and I would never see the light of day again.
Another incident happened, that I was so ashamed that I begged my Bishop to punish me and banish me from the church. With his guidance, and work with a councilor, I could crawl my way out and see some light again.
At the beginning of this year, I got a job. Then got a semi better one. then i got a dream job and things looked up. I was given a time frame to work and do as the brethren asked. In May that time came due and I had another interview with my Bishop and he felt it was time to re submit my paperwork. I had another interview with my Stake President and he felt it was time too. So sometime in the middle of May, it was re submitted. We thought it would take a few months to go through, but this morning when we came to church, our SP(Stake President) secretary pulled me aside and told me the SP would like to see me and my wife after Sacrament. I only thought of one thing. He had the ok.
Almost 10 years of hard work, has finally come to a close. They accepted my application and told my SP to have it done as soon as he was able too and to have my be interviewed by him and the Bishop to see if I was still worthy. Both interviews have been done and on Tuesday night, I will sit in a chair in his office, have his hands placed on my head and with the authority given him through Christ and the Living Prophet, restore my Priesthood, and Temple blessings and then sign our temple recommends.
What a wonderful thing to behold. A lost sheep, being carried and helped back to the fold. When the Savior said that He could move a mountain with just the faith of a mustard seed, I think He was speaking symbolically that everyone has mountains in their lives that get in the way of true happiness. And that ones faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, miracles can happen.
I am a living testament to the understanding of what the Infinite Atonement means. No matter what I may do in this life, if i just turn to God, and do all I can to do the right things, He will bless me and show me the way.
I bear witness that what i have shared is true. I know god lives and loves all of us. His Son Even Jesus Christ lives and loves us too and is there waiting at the door, knocking to have us let Him in to our lives. I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God and that he did see them and testified to the world of it. And that Thomas S Monson is Gods Prophet on the earth today and speaks the will of the Lord for all to hear. The Book of Mormon is true. Fasting and tithing are true. I bear witness of this and leave you this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
The person I was living with was not a member and we were planning on getting married. She was 9 years my senior and we were in love, or so we thought. We moved to Idaho to further her education in textile design. Little did we know that in the 8 months we lived there, we would split up and go our separate ways.
The members of the church were ecstatic to have a lost sheep come back to the fold. In fact it was said by my Stake President that i was the most active non-member he had ever seen. It was partly because of them that i came back. I also came back for my own choice. I left my worldly life and began anew.
It was on September 2, 2001 I was rebaptised into the church and was on the journey to have all my blessings restored of the Priesthood and temple. A few weeks later, I fell back to my old ways. And to my dismay, I began a destructive life that has put me in jail a few times, lost my family, and almost my life.
After I had lost my family, i moved here to Utah to begin anew. It was hard to adjust to the area and the way they do things here, but I have managed. Again i fell into some old habits and had to be punished for my sins. 2 Years it took for me to be able to send in my paperwork to have it be looked over by the leaders of the entire church. That was in 2009. After a long wait of nearly 4 months, they said no. I did not have a job, did not provide for my family, did not pay my tithing. When i did that, then i could resubmit my application.
Depression set in, I had 2 boys and my wife to support and i couldn't keep a job for anything. Then i get the news in 2010 that my mom dies. I felt so alone, so out of it, so far in the hole that I just wished the earth would cover me up and I would never see the light of day again.
Another incident happened, that I was so ashamed that I begged my Bishop to punish me and banish me from the church. With his guidance, and work with a councilor, I could crawl my way out and see some light again.
At the beginning of this year, I got a job. Then got a semi better one. then i got a dream job and things looked up. I was given a time frame to work and do as the brethren asked. In May that time came due and I had another interview with my Bishop and he felt it was time to re submit my paperwork. I had another interview with my Stake President and he felt it was time too. So sometime in the middle of May, it was re submitted. We thought it would take a few months to go through, but this morning when we came to church, our SP(Stake President) secretary pulled me aside and told me the SP would like to see me and my wife after Sacrament. I only thought of one thing. He had the ok.
Almost 10 years of hard work, has finally come to a close. They accepted my application and told my SP to have it done as soon as he was able too and to have my be interviewed by him and the Bishop to see if I was still worthy. Both interviews have been done and on Tuesday night, I will sit in a chair in his office, have his hands placed on my head and with the authority given him through Christ and the Living Prophet, restore my Priesthood, and Temple blessings and then sign our temple recommends.
What a wonderful thing to behold. A lost sheep, being carried and helped back to the fold. When the Savior said that He could move a mountain with just the faith of a mustard seed, I think He was speaking symbolically that everyone has mountains in their lives that get in the way of true happiness. And that ones faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, miracles can happen.
I am a living testament to the understanding of what the Infinite Atonement means. No matter what I may do in this life, if i just turn to God, and do all I can to do the right things, He will bless me and show me the way.
I bear witness that what i have shared is true. I know god lives and loves all of us. His Son Even Jesus Christ lives and loves us too and is there waiting at the door, knocking to have us let Him in to our lives. I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God and that he did see them and testified to the world of it. And that Thomas S Monson is Gods Prophet on the earth today and speaks the will of the Lord for all to hear. The Book of Mormon is true. Fasting and tithing are true. I bear witness of this and leave you this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Sometimes dead is better
I posted this in a contest for a site I am on for writing short stories. I wanted to share this here as a reminder, that life is what we make of it. I am out of that depressed mood. I do have my days, but they are so much better than they were before. This was the darkest time in my life. I hope you can read from it and glean or learn from it as I have.
"Where shall I begin? My life has been full of ups and downs, but the most down I have ever felt and have been the closest to losing it all was when my mom died last year. I had just gotten home from work, some friends from my church showed up at my home when I got home. My wife sat me down and told me what had happened after she got home herself from running errands all afternoon. She got home, opened the front door to our place when this card went flying through the air off the door. It was a business card for an officer of the local police station. My wife was a little concerned and she called them back as soon as she got things settled. They were calling to inform me, that my mom was in the hospital in Salem, OR and not expected to live long and that I needed to get there soon. This was the message I got when i got home. To this day I hardly remember the trip to there and back. That was on a Tuesday. We were able to fly out on Friday morning and rent a car to get there.
She had been on life support ever since. Dad was a wreck. He had no idea how to deal with this. My dad is disabled and mom had been his helper for all of his adult life. We had a family meeting and decided what to do. We talked to the doctors and nurses too and found out there is no way she would ever walk out of this place and live long enough to know what is going on. She had tubes all over her body giving her oxygen, food, fluids, drugs, you name it she was on it. They showed us an x-ray of her heart. It covered the entire screen. It was barely functioning. She did respond to voices, but even then I knew she was too far gone and that God had to take her home soon. We made the choice to take her off life support. And when I told her this, she looked at me and understood what i was saying and knew what was going to happen.
The nurses asked us for about 30 minutes to unhook her and clean her up a bit. When we came back, she was breathing on her own, but it was so ragged and hard, we thought anytime now. She lasted through the night with her sister by her side. I didn't sleep a wink. Saturday came and they moved her and us to the cancer ward so we could have a little more privacy. About an hour after her move, is when she passed. My wife was the one who saw her take her last breath. We knew she was gone. The nurse and doctor confirmed it. The funeral was a few days later and it was nice. Per her wishes, she was cremated and we have her with us now.
We brought my dad back to Utah to live with us, but that was getting too hard with him, and our two little boys, it was just too much, so we put dad in a nursing home for a few months until we could get him into assisted living. I was just so numb from all of this. I just could not feel, I could not love myself, my wife, my kids, my life, my job nothing. I quit going to counseling because I could not see an help or end to the suffering I was in. I hardly slept, eat, or did anything. I was angry, hurt, depressed, mad, vengeful, spiteful, I lost some good friends because of my actions. I cursed God, I was mean to my wife,mean to my kids. I hated life and myself. I felt that I had just turned my soul to the devil. I was in such a hole, I wished the mountains and earth would cover me up and then the earth would spin off its axis and hurtle towards the sun and kill us all. I attempted to commit suicide several times by ODing my pills. Or cutting myself, or hitting myself over and over. The final break down for me was when my wife and I fought over money and I bite her on the arm as she was calling for help. Then I kicked her in the leg after she got off the phone.
I spent the night in jail, charged with Domestic Violence and DV in the presence of a child. I almost lost it all. To this day I am still paying for my idiocy. Some days I wish I had died with her. Some days, dead is better."
"Where shall I begin? My life has been full of ups and downs, but the most down I have ever felt and have been the closest to losing it all was when my mom died last year. I had just gotten home from work, some friends from my church showed up at my home when I got home. My wife sat me down and told me what had happened after she got home herself from running errands all afternoon. She got home, opened the front door to our place when this card went flying through the air off the door. It was a business card for an officer of the local police station. My wife was a little concerned and she called them back as soon as she got things settled. They were calling to inform me, that my mom was in the hospital in Salem, OR and not expected to live long and that I needed to get there soon. This was the message I got when i got home. To this day I hardly remember the trip to there and back. That was on a Tuesday. We were able to fly out on Friday morning and rent a car to get there.
She had been on life support ever since. Dad was a wreck. He had no idea how to deal with this. My dad is disabled and mom had been his helper for all of his adult life. We had a family meeting and decided what to do. We talked to the doctors and nurses too and found out there is no way she would ever walk out of this place and live long enough to know what is going on. She had tubes all over her body giving her oxygen, food, fluids, drugs, you name it she was on it. They showed us an x-ray of her heart. It covered the entire screen. It was barely functioning. She did respond to voices, but even then I knew she was too far gone and that God had to take her home soon. We made the choice to take her off life support. And when I told her this, she looked at me and understood what i was saying and knew what was going to happen.
The nurses asked us for about 30 minutes to unhook her and clean her up a bit. When we came back, she was breathing on her own, but it was so ragged and hard, we thought anytime now. She lasted through the night with her sister by her side. I didn't sleep a wink. Saturday came and they moved her and us to the cancer ward so we could have a little more privacy. About an hour after her move, is when she passed. My wife was the one who saw her take her last breath. We knew she was gone. The nurse and doctor confirmed it. The funeral was a few days later and it was nice. Per her wishes, she was cremated and we have her with us now.
We brought my dad back to Utah to live with us, but that was getting too hard with him, and our two little boys, it was just too much, so we put dad in a nursing home for a few months until we could get him into assisted living. I was just so numb from all of this. I just could not feel, I could not love myself, my wife, my kids, my life, my job nothing. I quit going to counseling because I could not see an help or end to the suffering I was in. I hardly slept, eat, or did anything. I was angry, hurt, depressed, mad, vengeful, spiteful, I lost some good friends because of my actions. I cursed God, I was mean to my wife,mean to my kids. I hated life and myself. I felt that I had just turned my soul to the devil. I was in such a hole, I wished the mountains and earth would cover me up and then the earth would spin off its axis and hurtle towards the sun and kill us all. I attempted to commit suicide several times by ODing my pills. Or cutting myself, or hitting myself over and over. The final break down for me was when my wife and I fought over money and I bite her on the arm as she was calling for help. Then I kicked her in the leg after she got off the phone.
I spent the night in jail, charged with Domestic Violence and DV in the presence of a child. I almost lost it all. To this day I am still paying for my idiocy. Some days I wish I had died with her. Some days, dead is better."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)