Damned for sure

Ok so it has been a while since my last post. I have just been neglecting this because I never seem to want to do it or make the excuse that I have other things going on and can't make time to blog. Well after reading a few blogs the other day I am going to try and get back doing this. So here is the skinny from Feb to now. Left Courtyard Marriott to work for Convergys on their DirecTv project. Had a panic attack and had to leave. Was able to get my job back with Marriott. In April I walked out, because I didn't do things to my Chefs standard and just didn't want to deal with it. Got a job in June working for Teleperformance for their AT&T project, again lost the job due to a panic attack. Realized I cannot work on the phones. So here I sit again jobless, pennyless, about to lose the car, the house, and everything we have. Oh and US Bank is sueing me for an account that I just let go to the wind. Yeah so my life is screwed up. Again. I just can't break the cycle. It goes good for a while then I have to muck it up. I have thought on more than once to end my life. I just bring disappointment to everyone and myself. It is so true, you are the hardest person to deal with. So I am going to try again, something I tried to do when I was with Kim. Truck driving.

Its not a good plan, nor perfect, and who knows what will happen, the only thing I see is getting my CDL back, adding a passenger endorsement on there and going from there. If I can deal with being away from my family then this will be a good thing. Everyday I am hot, then cold. I am always thinking of the bad that can happen, then I turn around the talk about the good that can come from this. The company I am going with is CR England. They have a great school and reputation for training good drivers and the good thing is I can get a team driving job with them, so I am not driving solo. So if I can survive the one year I need to stay with them, then we can move to Tennessee next summer and I will look for driving jobs there. At least with a bus. The thing is just getting my CDL, getting on with a trainer, and staying working with them, until next year. It will be hard to be gone 3-4 weeks out at a time, but I will have my phone, my laptop, and will be able to communicate with the family on a daily basis.

So I ask for prayers for me, that I can do this, and for my family for their safety and comfort while I am gone. I think next week I am going to go up to the temple and do a session and spend some time there. I need that comfort. I need that reassurance from the Holy Spirit that this is the right thing to do to get us out of our issues and get back on track.

On some good notes, I was able to finish the Book of Mormon by the end date I set. And restarted it again in May. I am to finish it on Aug 31, but I am so far behind. I am supposed to be in Alma and I just got to Mosiah. I have no excuse but that I am lazy. I did catch up before and will do it again. I just need to set aside some time each day to read and get it done.

Well that is all for now. Goodnight.